Ignatian Insights 1 : Attachments

It was a beautiful realization to think that the most precious things in life are hard-earned; I can think of the most precious things in life, be it things or persons or even notions, and each one of them would tell a fascinating story. The paradox is that these hard-earned things and persons are so dear to us that parting with them becomes an ordeal, and invariably at several moments in life we are called to “sacrifice” them for a greater good, even if that is only in the level of concept and notion, and not a reality altogether. Sometimes our hands and feet are tied, and we are left with no other option than give them up, and it is painful to let them go.

Another sweet-n-sour realization is that there is further joy in letting something I had kept close to my heart for years to go; the initial pain would linger in my heart for quite a while, and it may take away my sleep, but I know at the end I had the generosity to let this thing go, or let this person walk out of my life freely. One of the greatest maladies of this age is excessive attachment to things and persons, and that causes much of the misery, pain and suffering. Those who are able to give up hard-earned things and persons, enjoy greater peace and happiness in life, and I have seen this in the life of some of the people I had lived with.

Ignatius of Loyola was not only a great spiritual master, who taught us the language of learning about the heart, but also taught us some of the most wonderful psychological insights which had taken several centuries to really form and become theories. He was quite clear when he held that we cannot arrive at an impartial decision, unless we begin clearing ourselves from all forms of inordinate attachments. For those who are tied to attachments and yet wish to move forward, Ignatius has given them a way of getting out of this web : agere contra (to act against) is one way, to desire and pray for the contrary to what I am attached to.

We can hardly think of attachment as something which can have negative effect on us; we take it for granted that our “security” is in having people close to us, things which can give us the kind of pleasure that we see. It might take us some guts to realize that the very things and persons we think as giving us security may become obstacles in realizing the “freedom” of God’s children. It is wrong to think that all things and persons we are attached to may prevent us from realizing our inner freedom to move with the Spirit, where she wills, but the word we need to underline is “inordinate” or “disorderly”, which can stifle our freedom and spontaneity.

But is it ever possible to live a life without being attached to things, persons and ideas? Humanly speaking it is impossible; but we need not worry about all kinds of attachments; there are attachments which may free us to greater things. For instance attachment to certain values can take us a long way in being witness to the Kingdom; but when these attachments become obsessions, we may be treading on a tight rope, and the danger of falling from grace is more. The best way to check our attachments is this : If I am able to give it up without feeling bad or sad, then I am safe; the attachments which bind me and delimit my freedom, may cause more harm to me than good.

Pinch of the Purse

As I awaited my turn at the dental clinic, I could see before me a simple-looking gentleman, turning the pages of a sophisticated magazine ‘People’, and from the way he was turning the pages, it was quite obvious that he didn’t know how to read English. After a little while, it was his turn, and the dentist did a quick check on his teeth, and told him that one of his teeth needs to be extracted, and the gentleman asked her quite casually how much it would cost, and she replied in a matter of fact tone, rupees twelve hundred. Probably the amount was far beyond his imagination, and he asked her if it could be less, and the young lady dentist retorted that she could not reduce the amount, since the extraction involved a lot of work.

But the man could not take her words as final, and went on arguing with her that the amount was far too much for him to bear, since he was poor. The dentist would not listen to his pleas: ‘If you want to get it done, you are welcome’. She was obviously getting annoyed with him, but looking at the situation, I felt sad for this gentleman. She had prescribed some antibiotics to be taken three days before he wishes the extraction to be done. He had given her hints that he had to first of all collect the money, then only could he visit the clinic. This gentleman might be earning some three thousand rupees per month, and if he has to cough out one third of his livelihood to pull out a tooth is too much for him.

The same is true for most of the people around us, and I most often take it for granted that most people around me cannot afford to avail the sophisticated clinical facilities, and super speciality health care facilities available today. It seldom occurs me to bargain the rates when I feel that I am being charged far more than the just charges; I take it for granted that the charges, especially consultation fees with physicians, are non-negotiable. The fact is there are very few physicians and health care assistants, who decide to demand only a just fees from the patients; human greed knows no bounds, and if the doctors don’t have any shame to demand as much as they want, why can’t I tell them how much I can really pay.

In a cultured society such as ours (was there ever an uncultured society in the world?), to bargain is considered a mean job; gentlemen and ladies of decent origin are not expected to bargain, however high the charges are; it is considered impolite among the affluent, and that is the reason why some of the sophisticated shops and eateries would not mind putting the prices of things ten times more, and would be sure that no one would challenge the price. But to bargain and pay only what is due is the birth right of not only every poor, but also of every individual. It is painful for those who had to sweat out to earn a living, to pour out the fruits of their sweat and blood in the hands of some greedy men and women.

When I accompany some of my friends for shopping or some purchase, I feel it annoying if they do not even make an effort to bargain the prices, at least wherever it is possible. There are many who do not mind paying whatever they are asked, because we have not earned the money, or that someone else had laboured to earn the money. Our purses do not pinch us, and unfortunately most of the people around us have a hole in their pockets, and money does not stay with them. I would like to see my purse always pinching me, because that is how I can truly stand in the company of the millions of other men and women around me, and experience solidarity with them.

‘M only Human

Sometimes I shudder to think how ‘human’ I am, that I am all too vulnerable! The image that often crosses my mind is a dry leaf caught in a whirlwind, unable to find its way, but being tossed by forces from all sides; it may have to land in a place it would have least desired, and all its dreams and aspirations would have gone awry. It is true, as a human person, endowed with reason, I am able to stir my life to a certain extent, but more than that I am but a fry in the limitless ocean, and my words and actions can make too little difference in the world I live and have my being. To realize that I am a limited being in the midst of limitless universe, is too frightening.

But that is what reality is, and I have no other alternative than to accept this fact, that I am incapable of changing most of myself, what I am and what I have been taught, and what I carry with me 24x7. Sometimes I wish I have been endowed with limitless powers to control the forces which make me dance according to their tunes, but I am frightened that it would only mean that there would be anarchy all around me, if that same limitless power is given to all those who wish to control my existence, my being and my life in this universe. Ultimately I have to accept my limitations, vulnerabilities and live with them happily.

There were times when I would think of changing one particular aspect of my personality, do my best to practice asceticism or self-control in order to discipline myself; but now I realize that all those had been mere eye-wash; I change too little even after several self-conscious attempts. I am reminded of that beautiful story of a jackal which fell on a bucket full of water-color, and went around claiming himself to be the king of the forest, and all others believed him, until one rainy day he got wet and all the color disappear, and he had to acknowledge his true self. That is what happens often with me, and it would not take too long for my true color to appear.

From my younger days, I had been taught to consider myself as a strong person with strong inclinations and habits, with a capacity to design my own life as I desire. There had been deliberate attempts to undermine the ‘human’ aspect in me, and there were some who considered that to accept one’s own vulnerability is to give in to them. They would not permit me to acknowledge my weaknesses, but I realize as I grow that one area of blessedness opens only when I see my own weaknesses, my own vulnerabilities, or to use an idiomatic expression, when I see my own nakedness. I am no different from the rest of humanity, and I do not need to put up a face to show that I am better than the rest, I feel comfortable being one among the weak humanity.

I can be conscious of my weaknesses, and yet be on the alert not to give in to them whenever they assail me. To know that I am a sinner does not make me truly a sinner, but when I allow myself to sinful action, words and thoughts, then they do make me truly a sinner. The same can be applied for my weaknesses and vulnerabilities too. My weaknesses do not necessarily make me weak; I can put up a fierce battle even with all my weaknesses, but when I give in to my base nature and indulge in things which make me dehuman or subhuman, then I become weak, and they can gradually lead me to meet my nemesis. But so long I am on my guard, safeguarding my weaknesses from being assaulted, then I can be sure that I can retain my sanity, come what may!

Spying Sherlock Homes

There are many in our society, who would defeat even Sherlock Homes in spying, and in attempting to resolve the mysterious riddles. Spying on innocent men and women, tapping their phones, and reading others mails are some of their trade secrets, and it is hard to stop them from doing it, either in public places or in their private circles. It is sickening if they try to do it when they are living with others. Where there are parallel phone connections, as soon as the phone rings, they would rush to the other set, and wait for the person concerned to start talking, and they would quietly pick up the other set and eavesdrop all the person speaks, so much so they do not feel even a qualm of consciousness to do such a dirty job.

I have come across quite a few people who enjoyed doing it, though a good part of these people belonged to the fairer sex, though I would not overrule the other sex as well. What is at the root of this kind of attitude which impels them to spy on others is more than obvious: it could be looked at on two levels, one is that they would like to know the ins and outs of other persons, so that they would be in a better place to blackmail them and therefore force them to do what they want; the second reason is that they have certain emotional needs and wants, which they wish to fulfil through passive pleasure. This is in straight forward language a perversion, and they take pleasure in such a perverse thing, and there is none to question them.

Unfortunately the people who do such a thing are those who have not received the kind of love and attention that the younger people receive these days, and they are all full of jealousy, and cannot tolerate this happening. But if someone were to confront them and ask why they pick up the phone when another person is talking, their answer would be more than innocent: oh, I wanted to make a phone call, and so was checking if the phone is free! Everyone knows that this is just an excuse for them to continue with their eavesdropping. But it is another matter, if someone else were to do the same when they are on the phone.

Phone tapping had been a big issue on the national level some months ago, and it had been said that it was undertaken by officials under the direction of the Ministry of Home Affairs, but when ordinary men and women spy on their brothers and sisters, what pleasure do they get. When children become unruly and disobedient, some of the parents do spy their children, to catch them red-handed with something they can accuse their ward of. But in such cases, spying is done with all good intentions, and sometimes it does good to the children too, but not in the case of adults, where it can only create bad taste in the heart of the members involved. This is a reality many struggle with silently, and there may not be a solution in the near future.

Every information that I share with another person is purely private and no other person has the right to eavesdrop; such a person can be taken to task, but we do not do this, because we do not want to create problem unnecessarily. When younger persons are victims of such vile tactics of some senior persons, the juniors are helpless victims, who cannot do anything to stop such a menace. Life has to go on, and they most often tolerate such senior persons, though the juniors have all the right to pull up the senior and teach them a lesson. In a respectable society, such a thing may not happen, but there may come a time, when such senior persons may be confronted squarely, and then people may relate to one another freely and without fear.

Cheer Leaders!

How wonderful would it be if we have a few dozens of “cheer leaders” in every locality! I am not talking about the professional cheerleaders at every sports stadium, whose duty it is to cheer up competing teams. We do not need such professional cheer leaders, often with limited fittings, so that they can cheer up the audience and the teams, not only by what they do, but also by what they are. But we need cheer leaders in every locality to cheer up every person living in there; we need others to cheer us up, and help us to realize that beyond our personal pain and agony is there a world of joy and happiness, of human communion; that we are all united by the bond of pain and sorrow, happiness and ecstasy.

Maybe it is not possible to have a group of cheer leaders who would go from house to house, spreading cheer in every person they come across. They could help people forget their worries and privation, and help them to smile for a while, make them laugh at something stupid, give them the comfort that they are not alone in their suffering. I feel the world is badly in need of cheer leaders, and I would not be surprised in a few years some people invent a system of artificial cheering up persons and families, and make a thriving business out of it. After all, with the way the world is expanding, there are all the chances that we would need artificial means of cheering us up.

I was told about a very old woman, in her late eighties, in Germany, who would sit at the entrance of the railway station of this small town, and would wish everyone who entered in there. In her old age, she had nothing to offer to the many people who entered there to catch a train to go to their offices, or to their relatives, and all of them entered in there with their load of worries, pain and anxieties. And this senior lady would greet them with a smile, and for a moment the people would forget their worries and wish her the same. This was her mission at the fag end of her journey. But I found this is a wonderful way to spend the last years of one’s journey.

How beautiful it would it would be if all those who are posted at the entrance of corporate houses were trained in the art of cheering up people, so that everyone who entered there would be charged by their cheer and smile; our offices and working places would be more joyful then. What we need today are men and women who feel certain joy deep down their hearts, and would like to transmit to other people, especially those who do not know what joy and happiness in life are. We need such people to occupy our security system. Technology is so advanced that in many places we can manage without security personnel, but no machine or technology can really replace genuine and true cheer leaders.

I have known about a few such cheer leaders, who would take time to voluntarily visit those persons languishing in sick beds, or in old age homes, or in self-imposed exile, in order to spend a few minutes with them; and what a difference their few minutes of stay with them could make. People can change their perspectives and pains within a few minutes, and look at life positively, thanks to the magic that these cheer leaders can make. But these people are those who experience deep down certain joy, and they cannot contain this within themselves, and therefore feel the urge to reach out to others. I wish their spirit spreads all over, and fill all our localities with the cheer that can make us laugh and smile, and take life with a courageous smile.

Metamorphosis of Nemesis

I know it is so easy for some people to say “sorry”, just as it is for me. For some people, it is very difficult, especially if they are diffident. I am beginning to understand that all those who say sorry need not be fully sorry for what had happened, and therefore are willing to take responsibility for them, and all those who are diffident need not be arrogant and so are unwilling to own up what had happened. It is possible that I say sorry so many times, and yet deep down am unrepentant, and still try to justify what I had done, and how I continue to be innocent. There is also another parallel tendency in me to make other people feel sorry for making me feel sorry.

There used to be times when I would be diffident and would not say sorry to people, until I read it somewhere those three beautiful words which can make a difference in my life : please, sorry, and thank you, and I began to use these as lavishly as possible. But it is time for me to pause and reflect if these words are losing their core meaning, and I am just taking them for granted. When I say please, do I really have the mental disposition to submit myself to the giver, or is it just a word of politeness? The same thing with the word, Thank you! I need to ask myself if I am truly grateful to the one who has favoured me and has shown graciousness to me!

But I realize that during those younger days when I used to be extremely allergic to using these three little words, I used to maintain certain amount of dignity. I always thought that I should not easily give scope to using these words. I should not be at the mercy of others, but should claim what is due dispassionately; not to do something for which I would regret and so have to ask the pardon from others, and to accept what is rightfully mine, and not to accept any favours which may come with a hook. But I have grown over this kind of understanding, and today I think of these in a different light. I do not hesitate to ask for favours, and recognize my own limitations, and be thankful to the people who show tremendous understanding towards me.

As I pour out myself at this moment, I think of a dark cave, where I am trying to enter in stealthily; I cannot see what is on the floor, the moss, slippery ground with water flowing all the time, stone chips which may pork into my sole, and I may just hit my head on the wall. Groping in the dark is a new experience, because it is then that I feel how helpless I am before certain kind of reality. But if I have another person who is used to this cave, and were to hold me by the hand and lead me through, how comfortable it can be. If I find him next to me, could I not plead for his help, and be grateful to him for the favour he would have done me? And is it not reasonable to ask his pardon if I had not followed his footsteps, or directions?

Whole life is not enough for us to learn, learn new tricks! It is said that old persons learn new tricks rather slowly, but I am quite vary of this kind of assumptions. There are certain persons who keep learning new tricks, not only in life, but also in their personal lives, and that is a great consolation for me. It is never too late to learn from life, and every time I realize a possibility of learning and incorporating it into my personal life, I feel that I am growing as a person, as an individual, as a responsible citizen of the universe. The world is changing at a rapid speed, and we too are called to keep pace to it, and experience that change within us, and around us.

Penny wise, Pound foolish

This senior man was known as an austere man, who would spend hours on end in order to save a few pennies, and would glory in it. He would walk for more than an hour, and would not take public transport, because he had to pay for the travel, and ultimately come back home exhausted. He has a very strict sense of poverty (as a religious man who has vowed poverty, this is very much fitting), and would swear by it. If one were to look at his shoes, it would be worse than that of a beggar, and he has only one pair of dress, which he would wash at night and wear it during the day. Well, that is his style of practising poverty, and no one can really argue with him about it.

It is true, he is fully convinced of what he does, and if it is his personal conviction, no one has the right to question him about it. But what I am concerned about is, not about his personal conviction, but about how his personal conviction comes in conflict with the interests of others living with him. I have realized that it is not easy to live with people who have strong personal convictions; it is rightly said that it is hell to live with saints! But the saving grace is that this gentleman would not demand the same standard from others, leave alone impose it on others. At the same time, he would not like to be questioned about his standards.

He had been coming to our office for three days to complete his annual ritual – entering the marks of a subject he was teaching in the college. This is the moral education, and it is doubtful if any of the students took his classes seriously, but he takes the examinations and marks so seriously that he would spend more time tabulating than in correcting them. He would tabulate them in MS Excel and then would check it, double check the marks, so that there is no error, and then would go one by one marking all those who had failed in Red. Then he would need to take a print out of this for the file. I had been asking him if it is all worth the trouble, and he would want it that way, and no one can argue with him about it.

It was said that this gentleman had one of the finest brains in the campus, but after his completion of the doctorate in physics, he began to teach in the college, but it was found that what he taught went over the heads of students and so he had to be stopped. In the meantime he took up certain topics as his areas of interest, which in the long run, became his obsession, and he would fight with people tooth and nail in order to show that everyone who did not subscribe to his views were wrong and that only he could give answer to some of the moral and religious problems which haunted the human society.

I have no regrets about the man, because there is a fair amount of genuineness in him; he is excessively obsessed with poverty, and it would be a futile effort to argue with him about the notion that poverty does not tantamount to privation and even beggary. We need certain essential things in order to live a decent and dignified life; if one thinks that these things are redundant, and would not like to avail them, then the person is sure to place himself on a separate ground, morally condemning everyone for not following his own standards and precepts. I would not dare to call his way of doing things as ‘penny wise and pound foolish’, but it would be very close to it. If only he could put to good use his wisdom, then he would be richer than the richest. But it may take him another birth to look at the other side of the spectrum.