Careful Camouflage

I was so sad to hear about the plight of one of my friends, who had been giving herself fully for the mission entrusted to her, for the past 10 years. From a silent spectator, she had grown to be an organizer par excellence, single-handedly putting up two buildings with help from donor agencies, and not taking even a single rupee from her congregation. It was indeed a matter of prestige that she was able to contribute so much for the mission of her congregation. Unfortunately those who are at the helm of this local congregation cannot look at her kindly; bias and prejudice were to be blamed for the way she was treated all along. In fact, it was all because of one person, who wished to decide the fate of all her subjects, which led to silent anarchy in the congregation.

But who cares for the simple voiceless sisters, who only knew how to take orders, and knew not how to put their points across, how to argue convincingly with the people who mattered in the administration of the congregation, or how to refuse the high-handedness of a handful of people who wished to wield control over all the rest. Selfishness of a small group of ‘bourgeoisie’ mattered more than the interest and welfare of the entire congregation and their mission. The person who was supposed to be at the top of the administrative structure was made into a dummy horse, while the previous head continued to wield power over others. But there were too few to disregard the autocratic high-handedness of this person, others were too frightened to confront her.

My friend had been known as a person who would not dare talk anything in return for the orders she was given, but over the years, she had learned to speak, and today when she questions the unilateral decisions of the higher-ups, they cannot think that she could speak so boldly. They are awe-stuck that she was talking so boldly. But she is not the kind who would demand something unreasonable, but she has learned that she cannot let herself be taken for a royal ride by anyone; she knows she has to fight for her own rights and would not let anyone snatch from her hands, something which is due to her, which is her right. I am happy that today she is able to speak her mind loudly and clearly, and is ready to face the consequences.

What was more painful for me was that when my friend had informed her administrative heads that she could not accept the transfer for some serious reasons, the head had reminded her that it was her religious obedience which bound her to accept the decision of her superiors. But my first question is, if the transfer has been decided through the process of serious communal discernment; for all practical purposes, it was one person who had decided about this transfer. Can the whims and fancies of one particular autocratic person be guarded and shielded by religious notions and ideologies? It is wrong to protect one’s decisions in the name of religious obedience, because the Spirit cannot prompt anything which is illogical and irrational.

It is sad that there are still religious men and women who cannot accept the fact that in this fast changing world, they would love to cling to the age-old ideologies. Any discernment process in matters relating to transfers and changes are to take into consideration the wishes and desires of the persons concerned, and this is something very vital to the very process of discernment. If a discernment process does not take into account the aspirations and desires of the persons concerned, then it could be just the wrong way of doing the discernment, and it may be in all probability contrary to the will of God, and contrary to the promptings of the Spirit. I wish the local congregations understand the importance of taking into confidence the aspirations of the persons discussed. Times when one could be blindly ordered to take up an unknown assignment without any preparation whatsoever is gone, and we are living in a world which demands that we approach persons with certain amount of compassion and humanism, as opposed to hard, insensitive religious dogmatism.

Falling for the Frills

One of my close friends had come to pour out something to me, and though I was initially not prepared for it, but then I let him do it. He had been pained at the way his companion who had been staying with him for almost a year, had been dealing and relating to him. He began saying that the small Christian community he tried to strengthen was now divided, and after a pause added that it was divided between him and his companion who had left the place for good. The over-enthusiastic friend had been trying to win the confidence of the people, most often without consulting with my friend who happened to be the in-charge, and that had caused enough confusion among the people. The one obvious motive of the companion was to outdo what my friend was doing, and so he projected himself a better person, priest, pastor and administrator, and he was successful in establishing this among some people.

I had seen for myself that one of the basic wants or needs of this particular companion was to become popular among the people. He made use of his talent to sing folk songs to this advantage, and would even exaggerate facts, as to how so many people are flocking to him, to listen to his singing, his spiritual counsels, and I became wary of this, and would take his words only with a pinch of salt. There is no doubt, he was clever, confident, and even knowledgeable, but there was also the other side, which showed that he was feeling threatened by others, who might be more competent, smart, and even intellectually gifted. The need to assert himself before his other friends and companions led him to take the companion he was living with for granted. It was not an easy thing to digest, my friend confided.

There is an inner craving in most of us to be popular and famous; who does not want to be appreciated? Who does not want to win the applause of hundreds and thousands? Probably there had been something wanting in this companion which made him seek this appreciation of his own accord. He volunteered to organize spiritual talks, and prayer sessions, but each time it was his need to win the hearts of simple people, who could be easily brain-washed in the name of spirituality! And he was able to get a sizable following, who considered him “guru”, and he would like it very much. The small band of people he collected slowly became a band of gossip-mongers, and who indulged in generous snacks from the friends and neighbors. But he should have realized that this trend was going to break the community into two groups.

It would be unfair to judge this companion on the basis of what my friend had poured out to me; but at least in this case, I know that my friend did not exaggerate facts, for I myself had lived with this companion for a year, and had seen how hard it is to live with him. He had his own way of doing thing, and I had my own, and my friend has his own way of organizing things. But in an organizational setup there is always something called subsidiarity, we follow a ladder. The power of decision-making is invested with the leader of the group, and it is important that those under his care respect this responsibility, and if the members begin to decide on the things which are the domain of the leader, then there is bound to be confusion, and that precisely is what happened in this case.

Over the years I have been struggling to find the secret magic mantra of personal happiness, that which can keep me on the high all the time, and I feel that I had come close to it in the recent times: happiness that is imposed on me from outside cannot last long; it will be only momentary, and that would be like taking recourse to alcohol or drugs; the kick does not last long. However the happiness that flows out of what I truly am, can sustain me for long, and its waters cannot dry. It is like a stream which runs quietly and smoothly, and it can run over sand and rocks with equal ease. I wish our companion realized this secret that true lasting happiness should flow out of his own self, of what he is, rather than seeking the appreciation and approval of others. Life can be quite different if only we see the difference between the two sides of the spectrum.

Missing the Bus

Missing the bus in our country, or in any of the Asian countries for that matter, is nothing to be amused at, because when the buses do not ply on time, how can the commuters be blamed for missing the bus. If that is the case with buses, there are things in life where we human beings do miss the bus, even when the buses ply as scheduled. Probably that is the reason why nothing seems to happen in the lives of the ninety nine per cent of the population. It is only the odd one per cent of the people who find life so very amusing, that they are ready to do anything for the humanity, for the universe, for nature, and for themselves. These are the people who see a ray of light, when all the others see only the dark clouds.

This man from Australia is one such man, who for fifteen months had not earned or spent even a penny, I realize that he is one among the one per cent, and I felt happy to read about what made the difference in the life of this fifty plus man. He had a promising career in an organic farm, and he states that a chance viewing of the movie “Gandhi” made him to rethink about his life. He had said that one saying of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi had pushed him to think twice about the quality of his life : if you want to transform the world, transform yourself. He had realized that it was money which was the center of all evil, and if he would be able to annihilate the getting and spending money, he might be able to enter into happiness.

It was interesting to read his account on how he was slowly realizing his dream of living a life without bound by money, and his life brought him to closer proximity with nature, and he had begun to feel the beauty and bounty of nature. Towards the end of his short presentation about what he was all about, he asserts that what can make us truly happy is not money, but relationships, friends, and he got many after he began his experiment with truth. What gives me joy is to realize that there are so many persons in the world around us who are careful not to miss the bus; even if they miss it, they make sure to catch it before it speeds up. These are not merely trend-setters, who dare to dream for the world, for humanity, for nature, and for the universe.

Each one of us goes through a moment in life, which can be termed as a peak experience; but most often these moments may be shrouded by our own personal problems, bias, prejudices, sorrows and agonies. These moments of “realization” do not last for too long; if one does not take note of them, they may just pass by, and it may never come back. If we are alert and prompt, we may be able to allow ourselves to be recharged by the powerful currents flowing from this experience. Most of the great people of the world down the centuries have all gone through these peak moments and had benefited from them, and thanks to these experiences, we are still sane and safe. Their legacy is the spotlight showing light to our generation.

It is such a wonderful thing to even imagine what would happen if every individual in the world were to be a person who had undergone this peak experience; in that case, everyone would have been a Buddha, the enlightened one. In that case, there may be no evil in the world, no killing, no greed, no avarice, no jealousy. Life would be so very different. Unfortunately those who miss the bus may remain stranded all through their lives, and today I only wish each one of us makes an attempt to be awake when such moments of enlightenment dawn upon us, and be drowned by the magical streams; when we come up to the shore, then we may be different persons, with a new vision and a new mission. Life will be so very colorful then!

Price of Peer Pressure

Some days ago my sister called me to say that she had a bad news for me; she said that she had quit her job and was sitting idle at home. Hers was a temporary job, and she was paid a daily wage, as is the custom with many of the medium sized and small nursing homes, who do not want to get into commitment with their nurses, and this is the third nursing home that my sister was working at. Since there are so many young girls looking for a job, the homes take it as advantage, to reduce their wages as low as possible. So apparently there was a stir among the nurses of this particular nursing home, and they demanded from the administration a higher wage for their duties. When the administration refused to give heed to their appeal, all the nurses resigned en masse.

There was peer-pressure, and it is hard to fight against peer-pressure in such a situation, since all of them help each other during their respective duties and exchange duty hours according to their conveniences. But at the other end of the spectrum is the loss of job. My sister would not demand a higher wage, she is not that courageous, but one or two of the courageous nurses might have coerced the others too to resign, and my sister was helpless, and was forced to tender resignation. Her friends are not going to help her get a better job, with better working hours, and a better wage. That may be none of their business, but ultimately who suffers. Peer-pressure is such a thing, where one is placed like a cat on the wall, standing between devil and deep sea.

Given the situation at home, my sister was badly in need of a job to make both ends meet, and sitting idly at home is not something she would like. There was a tone of sadness even as she narrated to me that she was waiting for a call from some other nursing home where she had applied. It is not easy to sit in the house doing nothing very substantial. One may even feel bored and wasting away, and that was what was happening to my sister, and all that I could encourage was to call up the very nursing home where she had resigned the job and check if they cared to take her back. She was not keen on doing that, because in that case she might lose her credibility and face. However she said she was ready to accept the offer if they called her back.

Going with a group has its advantages, especially if there are persons in the group who really care for me, and would support me come what may; but it also has its gray areas. It is a very delicate issue and there are chances for one to be wrong whatever he/she does. But it would be wrong to go with the group all the times, because one or two members of the group may divert the interests of the group and make use of it for their own benefit. The ultimate question that one must ask is this : does my flowing with the group going to help me now or later? If the answer is in the negative, then probably I should reconsider my following the dictates of the group. My conscience may be the better judge some times, and I should listen to it as and when I feel that way.

It is hard to stand by one’s conviction and resist the pressures of a group, especially if the group pressure could force one to give up personal convictions. But this is not impossible; what one may require is great amount of guts and courage to stand by personal convictions. It might have been alright if my sister had stood against the pressure of the group to resign, and resumed her job as usual. She might have to bear the dire consequences, but that could win the appreciation of the administration for her, not so much because she stayed back to work for them, but also because she had the courage to stand against group pressure. Sometimes it is worthwhile to stand by one’s convictions and resist the temptation of flowing with the group.

Poverty of Paupers

As I joined friends to lift the ‘dead body’ of our friend who had died just two hours ago, to hand “it” over to the caretakers, an eerie feeling crept into me, and it lingered in me for quite some time. At that time, our friend went just with the ‘lungi’ he was wearing, and a bed-sheet below and above. That was all that we had sent him with; and today when he was in the coffin, he was dressed up handsomely, with one of his pants, vests, and a cassock. Already we were handing over his body, I noticed that there were very few things in his room; I had been told that some of his things were in the house he had been staying for quite a few years, and so the bare minimum was in the room. A day after his death, when I was looking for his personal photo album, I realized one of his trunks was there and a suitcase with clothes. A cassette player was the only gadget he had.

For a man of 57, he should have been having several times more things; I have heard about some of our friends, and especially diocesan clergy, when they are transferred they required at least a couple of trucks to transport all their belongings. One might ask what sort of things these people carry from place to place as they are transferred. In simple words, all the things that a family requires, those are the very things these people carry. The things include the following : television, mixie-grinder, cassette-players, VCD/DVD players, books, personal files, clothes, speakers, CDs and DVDs, clothes, blankets, bed-sheets. Some, I have been told, also carried their furniture and almirahs. In other words, they carried all they ‘bought’.

I imagined for a moment what are the things I have accumulated over the years, and what would happen if I were to bid goodbye tonight. Do I really need all the things I have in my room? Each one of us has a habit of accumulating things, for some it is books, for some others cassettes or CDs or DVDs, for some clothes, and for some others electronic gadgets… we have our own special interest and try to get all that is possible, not even thinking if we would ever need them in life. This is a psychological compulsion, and very seldom do we pay enough attention to this kind of tendency. If I were to look at carefully at the kind of things that are piled up in my cupboard, I would realize that at least 70 to 80 per cent of the material could be given up easily, without hurting my future.

Most often we collect things with the hope that one day we might require them, but the fact is if I do not require a thing today, probably I may not need it in the future. For instance, collecting electronic gadgets is a compulsion, and there are people who may not be satisfied with one gadget, but may like to have several things to keep their ego satisfied. These are the people who are always on the lookout for new gadgets, and as soon as they hit the market, they are there negotiating the price with the shopkeepers, not realizing that in a few days time the gadget will fill the market and they can get them for a much cheaper price. The same is true with “collectors” of all kinds. Today I need to ask myself, what is my compulsion? What do I take pleasure in collecting or accumulating?

I am overly concerned about my future and feel the need to keep things ready, not trusting in the providence of God. It is for this reason that Jesus has told us not to worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. We need to learn this lesson from birds of the air and lilies of the field. There is yet one more thing that I am invited to do: go through the things that are piled up and clear all that are not required for me. I do understand that many of the things which I may not need, may be needed gravely for someone else. Much of their efficiency might have been lost because they do not have these things, and if alone I can hand these to them, there might be better atmosphere for fraternal sharing; and it is possible someone else might give me something which I am in urgent need of. And that is when we can feel the need of being part of a wider human family.

Animated by Love

Some of our men have such an enormous amount of energy that I can hardly compete with them. I wonder from where they get so much energy to go on working almost like a machine. During the last few days of organizing a fitting farewell for one of our companions, I realized that many of us had put our shoulders together to make this a memorable day, and I do feel that our friend would be smiling even as I anticipate his reaction to our humble efforts. We have our differences, but when it comes to organizing an event such as this, our men do it wonderfully well. We can get over our differences, and think alike in getting the best of what we have and what we are. That is what I am thankful to God today, for our men who could give their best when needed.

Now coming to the secret of their energy, this is not something so very new and spectacular. I realize when we have love for a person or a group of people, we would go all extent to give our best for them, and that I realize is the secret of their immense energy. The love we had for this of our sick Brother, whose both the kidneys failed and was on dialysis twice a week, was something remarkable. Since I stayed in a house a little far from where this friend stayed, I could not spare much time for him, but those who were members of this community, had gone out of their way to be available to meet his needs, especially accompanying him to the hospital for dialysis and bringing him back… it was not an easy task, and they did this with great love.

Yesterday I had gone to the college to check certain things for today’s funeral, and I realized that three of our men who were involved with the preparations were not there, and I could guess that they might have gone out. And a little later I came to know from the notice board that they had gone to the market. When I had finished my other works and was about to leave, I saw these three men climbing up the stairs with lots of flowers. One of them said smiling “3 Idiots”, and I know he made a reference to the recent film of the same title, which supposedly showcased the achievements of three idiots. What a combination, I wondered for a while, and yet, when it came to preparations for the day, there was good understanding, and I had not seen them fighting over any silly things.

In fact, as we bade farewell to our friend, what I heard from several people who expressed their sentiments for him was so very heart-renting that I felt they had all experienced it. Our friend was known for having a special love for people who approached him for either a service, or favor or work done by him. He did it with great love, and during the lunch today one of the priests of the diocese said that the departed friend was going out of his way to make the Sisters happy and at home; he would take them by the vehicle and drop them at a place from where they could get express buses, and many people appreciated this gentle and lovely gesture of the man. He was not after money, or after name and fame; he was a simple man, who valued people for what they were, and he did not hesitate to make special provisions to accommodate them that they felt handled with great love and care.

If the man had so much of energy to be involved with so many works, and be on his toes to get different things going during his tenure as in-charge of the estate, it was just because he was in love with the place and the people, and that is what made many of the people to shed tears today, as his body was lowered to the tomb. One of the girls, aged some 12, was crying profusely, because she had seen him around as she grew from the age of 3 or 4, and she had known the man he was, and it might have been difficult for her to bid goodbye to him. If we are not able to give our full selves for the work assigned to us, or that we often get into problems completing the works or find it hard to work with co-workers, the first question that we need to ask ourselves is this : am I in love with the place and the people associated with this work, or am I doing it just as a job assigned to me. The aspect of doing anything for the love of the persons associated with, can make a lot of difference.

Searching for Smiles

One of the lessons which I had learned at the death of one of our friends, 13 years senior to me, is that whatever we do, and wherever we are, could we do something to unburden the others who are weighed down by worries of the world, chased by problems which make them hate life, made to believe that life on earth is not worth living! There are many around us who go through this kind of hide-n-seek game with life each day, without realizing that they are slowly pawning their lives with forces which may one day snatch their lives and hand them over to the angel of death! Just a kind act towards these people can change the way they look at life, and once they realize the beauty of the world and its people, then things can take a positive turn.

Ours is a tortured, battered, mutilated world, which yearns for some respite, and it may sound an insurmountable task for us, but if we all put our shoulders together to look at this world which is groaning with pain and agony, probably we may be able to find a way of relieving her pains. It is not an impossible task; it all depends how each one of us is convinced of his/her personal responsibility to extend healing balm to the neighbor behind or in front of him/her. It is easier to curse darkness rather than lighting the candle, and we all may resort to easy solution, instead of doing our little part to ease the situation. Luckily we do not need to do spectacular works, or need really to sacrifice our lives in order to save the dying humanity. We are not saviors of the world, but we can surely become the angels of kindness and mercy to each one around us.

I become more and more convinced that what we on earth need today are not great scientists who would make the impossible into possible, who would find solutions to all the problems the humanity had been facing down the centuries, who would unravel the mysteries of the universe and find greater avenues for harnessing the resources of the greater earth, who would make us believe that faith in God and human touch can be sacrificed at the altar of self-centeredness. Nor do we require persons who would find a way of feeding every person going hungry to bed each day. We are not looking for spiritual gurus who would make every urban dweller happy and peaceful! If we want to save the world, then all that I am convinced we are called to is : to spread a little bit of human touch.

There is one little way I am confident we can do this : I take a little trouble to go out of my own self to reach out to someone in need, in whatever way I can. It is for me to choose how I am going to reach out to the other! If at the end of the day I can make a person smile, then I can consider my work done. It is not an impossible task. Yesterday after hanging around in our college to arrange for the funeral mass today, one of our friends, offered some fruits for our community. There were mangoes (the look alone was so tempting), grapes and another kind of fruit. As I walked home with a polythene bag in hand, near the park I put the bag down, took out a mango and offered to a girl who had made outside the park her home for the past six months. There was plenty for us, and I was not going to lose much by giving one to her, she also would have the joy of tasting a mango even before it fully entered the markets.

I have realized a secret of what really makes us smile: when we are able to make someone smile, that is sure to bring a natural smile in us. Check it for yourself. I have checked it and it works like a charm. It is like an echo, or a reflection on the mirror; and this can create a ripple effect. My smile can create some one smile too, and it can go on unending. Smiles are becoming too costly in our world; even the best of make-up and ornaments sans genuine smile may be meaningless; but a gentle genuine smile even in the absence of ornaments can make a person really glitter, and that is the secret that we all can become partners in. I can only imagine a situation when the whole world is filled with smiles all around, and it would be like a garden with flowers in full bloom and that is really a joy and feast to our eyes.