Trifling with the Third (SS 09)

Calvary is almost reached, but there is no more energy left in the body, and as I look at your frail body limping step by step with the burden of the cross, you look at your final destination : the hillock which will immortalize you for all generations to come! But when you fall to the ground for the third time, I know you are at the fag end of your journey, and you can stretch it no longer! The good news is that Calvary is just a few feet away, but the bad news is that you may make it only with great difficulty! Not all soldiers are harsh and cruel to you; maybe there was one soldier, who had a little sympathy for you, and he helps you rise up from the ground, and gives his hand to move forward! Not everyone on earth is bad, I know! Thanks to these sympathetic men and women, we still experience humane treatment.

Most often I get annoyed with people who cannot stop their falls; they keep falling endlessly, until there is no more energy left in their bodies. And yet I cannot stop cursing and shouting at them, because I know if only they put a little more effort, they could have prevented the fall, but your third fall demonstrates before my very eyes that even when the spirit is strong, the flesh may still be weak, and sometimes too weak to with-hold! How beautifully the Savior had accepted his third fall; he knows that it is the reign of darkness, and he had nothing more to do than submit to the whims and fancies of the king of darkness. Helplessness and weakness have crippled him to this state!

When I fall on life’s journey again and again, quite often without myself wanting them, I feel terribly depressive and annoying! I cannot understand my own inclinations and vile attractions, some of which seem to have grown as I grew into adulthood! I cannot blame anyone for the state I am in, and I have to accept all that I am and all that I have, wholly and completely, without any ifs and buts. Then actual life is not as simple as that! I cannot complete even a single paragraph of writing without using ifs and buts, conditions have become my favorite, not only in the blogs, but also in life, and I live thanks to the ifs and buts!

I cannot imagine the Savior using ifs and buts, not only in his speech, but also in his life; if that were the case, then my fate would have been quite different. How do I treat a person who has ran out of all his/her resources, and stands before me seeking shelter and security, be it moral, social or spiritual! It may not be easy to seek such a person with a warm smile, and a bouquet, but then what would be the plight of this person if I were to throw him out of my household? Could I ever be so very hard-hearted as to refuse the little what I can possibly give? The earth has been so very kind and generous to receive the Son of Man with her outstretched arms! Would I do the same with the people who come me for help?

There is an innate tendency in me to keep fighting against all odds, even when I know for sure that I am fighting a losing battle; quite often I tell myself that what matters is not so much the success or failure in such a battle, but the fact that I participate in it whole heartedly, that is what really matters. If that be the case, then it would be rather easy to give up when all my resources run dry; but how could I handle the false pride and arrogance which may not permit me to give up fighting, and accept defeat, knowing well I had done my best to fight against the external forces working against me. I realize that embracing defeat in life does not necessarily mean I accept failure and defeat!

After every fall the weight of the cross seems to be increasing manifold, and the weight of the wooden frame seem to be pressing upon him. The will power in him is strong still, and that is the reason why he does not give it up; he puts his foot forward and knows for sure that he may stumble and fall, together with the cross. The determination and the will power that he had made him complete his journey, though with three falls! For a man whose body has been torn apart by the flagellations and crown of thorns, who had been whipped throughout the journey, the scorching sun added insult to injury, and he would still accept it, because it is through this kind of falls and rises that he is to enter into his glory!

I am too frightened of placing myself in your position and imagining the way of the Cross; the very thought of it makes me sweat. But you had warned me much in advance that unless I carry my cross and follow you, I cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven! Even after your third fall, you had the determination to rise up and continue your journey, though with much pain and agony. Often after my fall, I have no strength and energy left in me to rise up and walk further; I wish to give up hope and surrender defeat, but your demonstration of so much of will power pushes me to fix my eyes onto Calvary and keep moving! I remember your words, anyone who has put his hands on the plow and looks back is not worthy of the kingdom! How true you are!

Moaning with the Moaners (SS 08)

There is no greater consolation to a person going through untold suffering and pain than to have people around him, joining their hearts with his/her suffering. The women of Jerusalem should have been simple people, who might have been either cured of their illnesses by Jesus, or fed by his munificence some months ago. Today they had decided to accompany him on the way to Calvary as a mark of their gratitude to him, for what they had received from him! They have nothing to offer to reduce his pain; even as they stood in the midst of madding crowds before Pilot, they had no voice to say that the man was innocent, and so as reparation for their cowardice, they have decided to accompany him all the way to Calvary!

I feel these women were ordinary persons, who found great consolation listening to Jesus, opening their hearts to a new vision of reality, of life in general; they had been touched not only by what he said, but also by what he was! There was a spiritual glow in him which attracted them to him, even without their knowing. They were able to recognize the Savior in him, who had all the medicine they needed to be healed of all their ailments! By walking with him on this road full of thorns and stone chips, they have no great expectation! All they desire is to let their master know that they were by his side. Their silent presence with him is all that they could offer to him here and now!

In the midst of the crowds who were jeering at him, cursed him endlessly, accused him of everything under the sun, to have a handful of people who sympathized with him, brought so much of consolation to the Master! He might have been thinking to himself – All is not lost! These women have not retained their hard hearts, which they did possess before they encountered him; their hearts have turned from stones to flesh, and that is what makes so much of difference now! While all the other bystanders and mocking crowds refused to let their hearts be transformed into flesh by the life-giving words of Christ, these women had the courage to let him transform them, and today they are here to bear witness to the transformation he had brought in their lives.

There is pathos in their hearts, and in full measure; they are unable to control it! Their hearts are so supple to human suffering, and they would shed tears for any person who is unjustly punished. And the master looks at them tenderly, and even at this moment, he is concerned that these women turn their attention on their family! How hard is it for me to divert the excessive attention I receive to some other deserving persons around me! I want all the attention from all corners, even if it is just a passing flu or cold, and wish everyone to nurse me, cajole me! Here is the master who does not wish to retain the attention these women offered, instead he turns them to more pressing needs and persons. He however does not disregard their gesture of love and concern, but only wishes them to utilize it for greater cause.

It is not easy for me to sympathize with people who are very different from me, who hold views and notions very different from mine; often instead of sympathizing with them in their pain, I feel happy and delighted to see them suffer! I feel that they deserved the suffering and punishment for what they had been doing, scheming, and plotting! I realize that I cannot sympathize with a person who has not touched me in some way or other! I place a series of conditions before I extend hands of support and sympathy to persons, and that is what makes me so very different from the women of Jerusalem and their master! The women had no conditions to express their sympathy towards Jesus, and that made them to be genuine in their expression of this sympathy.

Often I feel that my heart is like a stone, impossible to penetrate, and it is only the Lord of heaven and earth who can transform it into a heart of flesh, which would moan with moaners, rejoice with the happy, and shed tears for the suffering! These women are all endowed with hearts of flesh, and I am praying for this gift, as I contemplate the meeting of Jesus with the women of Jerusalem. If only I can feel the pain and agony of the hundreds of people who go through unending suffering day after day, and yet without cursing or blaming anybody! I think of the millions of victims of violence and injustice, those pawns in the hands of the mighty and powerful, who can play with the lives of hundreds of poor at will! Do I have a heart with cries for them, which is prepared to walk the path of Calvary to show my solidarity with them?

I see the fruit of the multiplication effect of your loaves; you have multiplied your tender heart and have implanted it into all the people who were prepared to be a little more humane and godly! How these hearts of flesh vibrated with each other? There was perfect synchronization of your heart with those of these women, and I know that these women are prepared to shed their precious tears for anyone who might go through unjust punishment, who is a victim of the structures we have created for our comfort zones! Unless I have a heart of flesh, it would be impossible for me to be sympathetic, leave alone be empathetic! I would like you to gaze at me, and let your presence transform my heart, so that I can join these women and walk with you all the way to Calvary!

Securing a Second Chance (SS 07)

Jesus himself might not have thought that he might have to fall to the ground a second time, not to mention that there would be another fall awaiting him. But he does not curse the whole world, when he is pressed down by the cross, and falls flat on the ground! He would not have liked to fall, but he is as powerless and helpless as any person drained of his energy would feel. But that is the fall that he did not expect, and even as he struggles to rise from the ground, there is very little help given him; there is no helping hand, no sign of sympathy for him, but only jeers and a shower of abuses! The second fall makes his body a little weaker, but his spirit grows strong.

When the Savior had fallen on to the ground, he did not show any sign of stubbornness or arrogance, which said that he was not going to fall with the weight of the world’s sins again! In fact, the reverse may be true; he did not mind falling any number of time to let the world know that he was ready to accept them, with all their abuses and charges. He did not even once say, this is your first and last warning, and I cannot tolerate your abuses any longer. I often wonder what really made this man to accept all these curses and abuses non-challantly? Could he not challenge the people who were accusing him on false charges? The second fall was Jesus’ way of giving the world a second chance to turn to him.

If the road to Calvary had been inaccessible and hard to traverse, how many times the Savior would have been prepared to fall. He had told his disciples to forgive anyone who asked pardon, not seven times, but seventy times seven! My guess is that Jesus might have been prepared to fall seventy times seven, in order prove to the world that he cared for it! But that could be possible only if he had still some energy left in his body! There is too little blood left in his body, and the energy is fast evaporating, and he is struggling to pull himself through! He does not know how to give ultimatum! He does not know how to give the one last chance! He would go another agonizing stretch in order to prove his love for the world.

How many times have I failed to give any chance for people to correct themselves? Many are the victims of my arbitrary judgments, not giving people a second chance to prove they are worthy of my attention. I am aware that many people may benefit from life if they are given a second chance to turn over a new leaf! Human beings are not such hardened criminals that they may not make use of a second chance! It does not demand much from me to give people a second chance; all that I need to be aware of is that they do not take me for a royal ride; that they do not take it for granted that whatever they do, they would be given an unconditional chance again. There is nothing like helping people to turn back and start a new beginning, and Jesus is doing it by demonstrating through his second fall.

Our legal system is unfortunately based on a harsh treatment of men and women for their one time misdeed! It is true that a thief who had been involved in stealing is caught one day, but for quite many, it may be their first misdeed, and they are caught! There is no way of letting them correct themselves and start life anew, but that they have to bear the consequences of what they had done, by way of going through several years of imprisonment as under-trial, and then after the verdict some more years of imprisonment! But then, by the time they come back home to start life with fresh perspective more than half their lives is gone… Ultimately such persons may again end up behind bars out of frustration and apathy by the society.

The second fall of Jesus on the way to Calvary is a reminder to me that I too should be prepared to “fall” so that others can rise; many are the times when I long for a second chance to prove my fidelity, commitment to the Lord and to the world, and strangely enough I do get such precious opportunity, and a second chance! When others are prepared to fall for my sake, is it not proper that I too prepare myself to let others get a second chance to correct themselves. I do not lose much by giving people another chance, all that I may have to do is subdue my ego, and let them make use of the chance with all sincerity and genuineness.

I do feel sad for you, as you fall flat onto the ground; looking at your face it is almost clear to me that you were prepared for the fall, though there is very little energy in you to withstand the weight of the wooden cross. I can scarcely remember how many chances you have given me up to this very day, so that I could be still alive, I could still receive your favor! I understand within days of my gaining consciousness, I had exhausted all the seventy times seven chances… You had given me hundreds of chances, and you do not exhaust your grace period for me to return to you! And yet, with my neighbors I am often too very stingy, and calculative! Today I am resolving to give not only the second but also the next chances to people who wish to turn a new leaf in life! I am prepared to kiss the ground with you, to let them have that precious chance in life!

Gathering Guts (SS 06)

Among the numerous men and women who had gathered on the way to Calvary to watch the parade of one of the worst criminals of the time, one young lady stood apart from all of them, and no one knows from where she had the guts to approach the criminal and show an act of mercy and charity to him! We do not know for sure what made her to do this remarkably daring act of mercy to the man who had been condemned by the very people who had been cured of their illnesses by this wandering Messiah, and fed by his munificence, and yet they had not known him enough to raise their voices in support of him, and yet here is a young lady, who could defy all codes of Jewish mannerism, of decency and decorum, to walk forward and wipe his face.

Would I have done that very act which this young lady had done, were I in her position? I am not very sure if I have the guts that she had! How hard it is to challenge the mighty and powerful? To challenge the powerful is to risk one’s life, career, family and friends, and yet if there are no persons to raise their voices against injustice and plead for compassion and justice, then the world would soon become a desert land, and there would be only ferocious new species called human beings may breed and populate the earth! Veronica unfortunately has no mention in the Gospels, and I don’t think she would mind that either, for like the hundreds of men and women, she too would remain an ‘Unknown’ saint!

With the arrival of this young woman, the journey to Calvary takes a new turn; Jesus had thought that everyone of his disciples had disappeared, and there is hardly anyone who would walk with him, but soon he would realize that that was not the whole truth: soon he would realize that his blessed mother was there walking with him, swallowing the pain and agony of encountering her son in great pain; then came the strange Simon of Cyrene, who had established a new law of compassion, and here is Veronica with yet another message : she had gathered her guts to stand by the innocent criminal, knowing well that she had to force her way through the soldiers and she would do it all by herself, come what may! Her determination had brought her face to face with the Savior.

I know from life’s experiences that to have guts is a dangerous thing, and especially if one has guts to oppose the injustice and evil in the society, one can look for other ways of earning a living, make sure to protect one’s parents, spouse and children, and start wearing the bullet-proof jacket to protect oneself from any assault. This is everyday reality for the people who have too much guts; for them justice cannot be compromised, and here is a man who had redefined what justice is! Veronica might have been prepared to face any kind of eventuality, as she gathered her guts to walk that extra distance to be with Christ and assure him of her support.

If we look around, we can see the number of people who are pushed to the edges because they had the guts to question the mighty and powerful and vouched to stand by the voiceless and powerless! I had seen and heard about religious men and women who were sent to remote corners because they raised their voice against the high-handedness of the mighty people. The same kind of treatment is rampant among political parties and leaders. There were some of my companions who were penalized and punished for questioning the dictatorial authorities, and the man had to bear the consequences of gathering guts in favor of the simple and ordinary. Veronica however still continues to fight against injustice.

As a matter of fact, it is not that difficult to gather one’s guts to question the mighty and the autocratic leaders, but it is hard to foresee the consequences, and uni-vocally accept whatever the consequences there may be. We do not know what had happened to Veronica, but if something bad were to happen to her, probably we would have heard in the Gospels about her. It is possible that what she had done was not a great act of charity, but it was essential for the Lord to continue his journey. But for Veronica, he might not have been able to complete the rest of his arduous journey. How many people do I help each day to continue with their journeys? And how many people have frightened me to cut off from my life?

You may not remember by I guess this young lady had been treasuring this little handkerchief for so many months to offer it as a loving gift to you, and least would she have ever thought that she would offer it to you at this hour! But how lovely this young lady had been, to spread your face with a touch of gentleness and godliness! You look at her lovingly and she knows that her heart is too full with your love, and her life cannot be the same from this hour onward. I may never have that much guts to go through the high-handedness of men and their muscles to reach out to a person in need of my kindness and mercy! But today I thank that sweet lady Veronica who is teaching me the need for me to gather guts to stand by you and your people.

Careful Carrier (SS 05)

It is seldom that I happily reach out to help someone who is in dire need of a helping hand. When I am in need of help, the world can hear my cry, and I fume when the by-passers look at me teasingly and pass by without even saying a word of comfort! But when others are in such a situation, I do exactly what all the others usually do! The species of men and women of the sort as that of Simon the Cyrene is fast disappearing, and who knows after a few decades, such men and women may be unheard of in the world we live. That may be one of the saddest episodes in the history of the universe, and I only hope not to be a witness to such a horrendous reality.

I do have my great regards for this man, who was in a sense forced to help an altogether strange criminal, whom he lent his helping hand rather reluctantly. He might have been an innocent man who looked down upon a criminal, especially a political and religious, and he would have desired not to be part of the blood of such a man, and he might have tried to hide himself from the crowds, but something in the soldiers had made him a helpless victim to help another hapless victim of circumstances. Maybe that is where the similarities between the Savior and the sinful Simon begins, and they may go a long way in helping each other’s crosses.

When someone is dead and lying on the road, there may be thousands who would stand and stare at the person, but might not dare to do even the least they could do – inform the police about the person; each one would only try to wash their hands off, from what had happened to this man on the road. I do not like to dirty my hands for the sake of another person, especially when that person is least known to me; why should I bother about every Tom, Dick and Harry? It is none of my business! But if Simeon were to say that to the Roman soldiers, then the savior would have been more miserable, and helpless than he ever was.

Here is the Good Samaritan, who was ready to walk not only the required distance, but was even prepared to walk all the way to Calvary. I wonder if Simon had ever heard about this wandering preacher, who had been curing the sick, feeding the hungry, and casting out spirits! There is no curiosity in him to meet the man, who gave life to so many people, but out of compulsion he is here to help… the compulsion to help the stranger soon becomes a compulsion in him to walk all the way. If only I can learn a lesson from this rustic Simon, and pass the message on to others, then the world would not lack companions to carry our crosses. There would be too many Simons ready to give a helping hand to anyone in need.

Simon did not mind getting out of his narrow-minded perspective of reality, in order to include the savior in his life journey, and that made so much of difference in his future life. His life would not have been the same after meeting the Messiah; he might not even have realized that by helping the wayfarer, he was not helping the criminal, but the hard core criminal was helping Simon to recover from life what he had lost. As he beheld the cross, the symbol of shame and humiliation, Simon was able to shed all the contempt and shame he had for the criminals and the social outcasts. He had turned a new leaf after his encounter with Jesus, but why is it even after so many retreats and recollections, I am not able to come back to God and one another?

I am much worse than Simon, and I don’t need others to tell me this, or remind me this truth; I cannot move my finger even when I hear the cries of agony of others in need, even when I hear their cries, I pretend not to listen to them, or close my eyes from seeing their pathetic situation. It is here that I become so very inhuman and cruel that I become more ferocious and wicked than the worst criminal the world has ever known. If only I can hear the cry of those in agony around me, and do the least that is possible within my capacity, then I would have many things to be happy and proud about, and the world would look so very beautiful, and I may have many people to be grateful to. I often miss the seed of sanctity buried in listening to the cries of those in pain and agony! Today I seek this seed with sincerity.

How lucky you were to have a stranger who was so very fortunate to have your company, and your healing touch! Those few moments Simon has spent with you, carrying the burden of our sins and offences, those were the most precious moments of this man, who had the rare privilege of accompanying you to Calvary! Today I long to touch and feel you, to carry your cross, but every day when I get so many opportunities to carry the crosses of my companions, my neighbors, my dear ones, how many excuses I make to evade the challenge! I wish I get the guts and the stamina that Simon had to dare to accompany you, not only the requested distance, but all the way to Calvary, because I know that is where my salvation awaits!

Meeting of Mercy (SS 04)

I cannot wish this to any mother, not even to the mother of my greatest enemy : to witness the downfall of her only son before her eyes! The slow and painful death of her son! To witness the agony and untold suffering of the son. Which mother on earth can bear such a horrendous sight? The mother who had carried the boy in her womb, suckled him with her own life blood, and spent many sleepless nights caring for him when he fell ill, and had protected and safeguarded him from every possible danger… how can she bear seeing the gradual painful death of her son? When this is her only son, who is the only relation for her on earth, how could she bear let him die? I close my eyes and recollect what would be going on in her body, mind and heart as she witnesses this sight!

Mary was no super human person; she had the normal natural feelings and temperaments, and she had the same kind of tender feelings for her son, like any other mother would have. Would she have ever thought that one day she would be forced to stand among the angry and violent spectacle and face one of the most cruel and horrendous punishments ever given to another human person? Maybe she had not seen such a thing happening outside the city, and this may be her first and last time that she walked the way to Calvary! She does not even realize that even as she gazes at her son, her bare-feet are bruised by the sharp stones and thorns, but she feels no pain…

She forgets the whole world the very moment her eyes met the loving eyes of her only son, whom she had loved more than the world ever loved him! Just a few seconds were enough for the mother and son to exchange epochs of history, which cannot be captured by any historian. The few seconds have imprinted all the feelings and sentiments of the son to his mother, and that one tender look of the mother was enough for the son to walk the rest of the path to Calvary! It is no magic, but the heart to heart communication between the two had transported both of them to an altogether different world, unknown to the mortals.

Every time when I talk to the inmates of an Old Age Home, I feel frightened to hear from them that their children had deserted them; that the parents did not find a safe place in the very house they had built with their sweat and blood. The children cannot bear the sight of their parents, and find it peaceful to keep them at their arm’s length, far away from their sight! I have seen the bitter tears of parents who long for the sight of their children and grand children, but cannot afford because they are not wanted by their very children! Parents become useless and unwanted after they reach a certain age, and they are considered a burden to their private lives. I would like to imagine what the life of the lonely man walking to Calvary would have been, had he not met his mother waiting with wailing, accompany him in spirit!

I also remember many of my friends who cannot talk to their parents, cannot go visiting them in their old age, cannot call them up occasionally to tell that they care for the old parents! Parents in their old age become nothing short of a burden to the children who prefer to have a private life of their own, without the watchful care of the old. The Old Age Homes therefore give the much needed respite to the children, and after their parents had been put up in the Home, they feel their responsibility done, and can continue with their lives as happily as they can. But no one can really tell the adult children what they would miss, when they refuse to have anything to do with their parents!

During my growing years, I always thought that my parents were occupying the visible representation of God for me; the Indian tradition always deemed the father and mother as the embodiments of God… pitri devo bhava, matri devo bhava… and therefore when I used to get up early in the morning, I would raise my folded hands in great respect and reverence to the persons who had given a name and shape (nama-rupa) to me, and I continued this ‘ritual’ for quite many days, until I began to realize that the devotion to the parents should be not only in external behavior, but also in the heart. But I feel deeply that my parents matter to me only next to God!

I find it hard and painful to come across persons who cannot face their parents, and ill-treat them, and put them to shame in public, that some of them are driven to streets. You were privileged to have your loving mother, walking with you all the way to Calvary, providing you with the much needed moral and spiritual strength! When you were a new-born, she suckled you with her milk, and today she suckles you with the spiritual milk you require to fulfill the will of the Father, and she would go all the way to be with you, and help you reach the goal. As I gaze at the tender and ever loving eyes of your mother, I can see the eyes of my own parents, and I feel energized to walk the rest of my path with you!

Falsifying Falls (SS 03)

I cannot afford to fall in life, and if I do, then that would be the end of my honor, fame, the good name which I had been treasuring all these years, and here I see the Son of God falling to the ground with his Cross, and I take courage to look at his bruised face, he does not regret for falling, to face the shame and humiliation of falling on the ground. Has he become so immune or inhuman not to feel the pain and agony, not only physical, but more so the mental and psychological? Who wants to fall on life’s journey, and who does not blame the whole world for falling? But here is a very different scene, the Savior falling to the ground and yet there is not a word of complaint or blame-game or accusation of those who had condemned him to this situation.

Even as he carries the heavy burden of the Cross, pressing him down to the very earth he had sanctified over the past three years, and his frail body giving way, his spirit is still strong (I remember his golden words even as he walked to the Garden of Gethsemane : the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!); it is the strong will power which propels him to fix his eyes on the Calvary, as he staggers step by step. But then he probably knew about the impending fall, and he does not take any extraordinary precaution not to fall; the weak body has very little strength and energy left, and he cannot hold himself anymore, and therefore allows himself to fall, and as he falls, I can see the Mother Earth spreading her palms to hold her child, he does not protest, he kisses the ground and rises again to walk further.

Is it not ironic to not only imagining but also witnessing the Son of God so weak and fragile that he falls to the ground because of the weight of the Cross? The world cannot accept fall, under whatever circumstance it be; to fall is to give into one’s follies and vices. One cannot afford to fall, leave alone lie down on the earth, unable to rise up. I frown upon anyone who has fallen, and they cannot be considered worthy citizens of this earth; they are lesser human beings, because of their fall due to yielding to their vices and sins. I have very little regard for those who have fallen “from grace”, and are trying to get back to their toes.

But the problem with me is that I cannot think of falling, and cannot accept even myself falling to the ground, either due to my own vices and sins, or because of the faults of others. If that be the case, then am I saner and more sacred than the man from Nazareth? If Jesus could allow himself to fall, what prevents me from accepting my own falls, even if that means due to the faults of others; after all, the fall is not everything; there is life after fall, and that is what the Savior reminds me of. When a friend of mine applies for the admission of his son or daughter, he approaches me to recommend his case to the concerned principal, so that his son or daughter is not deprived of a seat, “just in case” the child fails to fare well in the interview! I cannot afford to fail.

I have an incorrigible tendency to look down upon everyone who had fallen in life, I consider them not fit for life, while I conceal every time I fall, lest others think that I am too fragile and weak, which I am. I think of the numerous moments when I had fallen without knowing, and was not even aware that I had fallen, and there were helping hands coming from all corners to raise me up, and put me on the track. How wonderful it is to have people who do not show an accusing finger at me when I fall, but provide me with the much needed push to stand up and continue my walk! My greatest consolation is that these are people who would not run away the moment I fall to the ground, but stand by me to raise me when I fall. They are truly God-sent!

It is so easy for me to find fault with all those who had fallen in life, and are struggling to rise up and move forward, though the weight of the cross may be pressing upon them. I have all the resources to rise up, but the Savior had none to give that much needed helping hand; he had to look up to the Father, to gain the strength to rise up with the Cross. As I gaze into the eyes of the Lord, I remember my own falls, and the falls of all the people I am associated with; how many times have I been the cause of the fall of others, how often have I pushed people to fall to the ground, and was rejoicing at their fall? I feel sad for such moments!

You do not regret for falling to the ground, even as your already bruised body gives into more fresh blood oozing all over your frail body! You have no words of accusation or blame! I am no better than the bystanders who never stopped accusing you of what you were innocent of! Though I keep falling on life’s journey, I cannot bear people falling, even without their fault. Falls are part of life, and they may open up the floodgates of grace from your Spirit, because it is when I am weak that I can experience the power of your death and resurrection. I would like to extend my hand to raise up the many of my neighbors, because these are the very people who had been my strength and energy, when I fall to the ground. I kiss the ground sanctified by your fall, for this is the starting point of my little journey to my own Calvary!

Bracing the Bitter Pill (SS 02)

I don’t really know if the man who cured hundreds of men and women of their ailments and illnesses, ever stopped to ‘give’ during the three years of his ‘public’ life! He had told his disciples in such unequivocal punch, ‘without cost you have received; without cost you are to give’ (Mt 10:8). His hands should have been quite tired of giving – food to nourish their bodies, living waters to wash away their ailments, healing for their souls! But here is an occasion for him to stop giving and receive from the very people who flocked to him unendingly only to receive what he could offer unconditionally. Here is a reversal of roles in the life of the man who changed many a life!

It is time for the Savior to receive what the people were to offer him! This is not something that you expect to receive after the innumerable good that you have done! How ungrateful the crowds can be, and how so very wicked! Have they forgotten the many good things he had done, the transformation he had brought in their lives, social, cultural and religious spheres? Have they ever come across a person who never stopped to give himself like this man, who had no riches or wealth, no home to claim his own (remember his personal declaration : Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head – Mt 8:20), and yet had all the riches that the world can imagine.

He has not yet exhausted all that he could give to the world, the people who know how to suck him out of all that they can get. He is keeping something for the last moment, his own life; that is the only thing that is left in him! He is ready to receive now, the bitter pill of the Cross! But wait a minute! Is the Cross imposed on his shoulders or is he willingly embracing it? It is improbable that he is forced to take up the cross – he had been waiting for this moment, and he had known what was in store for him even before he stepped into this world! The moment of his glory is just to begin, and that would unfold through the mystery of the Cross.

You have given us enough, and now is time for you to receive from us what we have to offer to you, as a sign of our gratitude and appreciation to you! The whisper of the hundreds of men and women who stood around Pilate to see the fun was deafening to the lonely man, standing as if he was the worst criminal, and he does not hesitate even for a second to accept the Cross. But it is not that easy for me to accept what I am forced to accept, especially if what I am offered is not palatable to my taste! I want what is according to my taste; what is good for me here and now; I cannot accept any pain or suffering for the faults I had not committed. I will fight tooth and nail to refuse the ‘cross’ that I am compelled to accept. I cannot allow myself to be taken for granted.

There is a ferocious rebel in me, who always seeks what will be to my advantage, what would do good to my comforts, future, personal interest and taste; I do not care for what happens to others; that is not my concern, all that I care for is my own interest. I cannot blindly accept whatever the people around me impose on me, especially when I know for sure that I am unjustly implicated in matters and issues I am not part of. How often do I see the Cross kept at my arm’s length; if I stretch my hand, I can touch it, and yet I dare not accept it! Let it rot there, I mutter! At the secret of my heart, I giggle, how many crosses have I managed to escape all these years!

His words still ring in my ears : If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me (Lk 9:23). But how hard it is to accept the blame and punishment for the mistakes and faults I have not committed! There are hundreds of people waiting outside my room to offer crosses, and I can find hardly anyone who like the Nazarene would willingly accept the bitter pills, which will bring healing to the ailing humanity. I look at the barren cross, the symbol of shame and humiliation, whose every atom is laden with pain and suffering; the cross today beckons me accept it, if I want life, life in its fullness! The one who willingly embraced the cross is there at my side, and I stretch out my hands to embrace it today!

I know it is not that easy for me to even think that I would one day embrace the cross of suffering, of humiliation! Maybe I am not as motivated as you were, and my intentions are not as pure as yours, in order for me to accept the cross. I cannot think of accepting it willingly, and here I am to accept it because that is what you have taught me, and are inviting me to do! This is the least that I can do for all that you had given me; you had given me until it hurt you, and today accepting this cross is not going to hurt my spirit to the least! It may hurt my body, and it may also leave an indelible mark on my mind, but it cannot touch my spirit, because the power of the helplessness and powerlessness which flow from you, is my strength, my comfort!

Path of Powerlessness (SS 01)

How hard is it for me to realize that I am powerless before the world, that I cannot bend the law for my advantage, that I have to follow the millions of people who are just powerless before the mighty empires of power and influence in the world. I feel that it is even shameful for me to realize that I am powerless before the world, the mighty and powerful, and there are many who would look down upon me for being so powerless, and accept reality as it comes to me! But today as I stand before the Lord willingly and even joyously embracing the condemnation that Pilate had imposed on him, I realize the power of being powerless, power understood as a spiritual energy which can take me to a realm different from the material and physical reality!

I cannot accept the fact that sometimes I am powerless and am advised by everyone who matters to me that I should do something to make myself powerful and prove to the world that I cannot be taken for granted. The other day my elder brother’s case had come for hearing (he had been implicated in a case of fraud which the Central Board of Investigation had initiated on the firm where my brother was a partner), and the judge had given the verdict against my brother’s concern, and soon his world began to be in pieces. He could not accept the verdict – rupees five thousand fine and one year of simple imprisonment! It is not a question of if he deserved it or not, but I would like to look at how he reacted to the verdict.

The next day emails crisscrossed between the brothers; get rid of the case by hook or by crook! Even if you have to bribe the judge and spend far too much money on it, do not hesitate! That was the refrain that formed the main content of most of the emails, and my elder brother promised he would do everything possible in order to get out of the case. There were references given by my younger brother, who could help my brother come out with a clean chit. Money is not a problem if the work is well done, my brother assured the advocate handling his case. The central point is : do anything to get out of the ugly situation my brother was in.

A friend of mine who applied for a visa to visit a neighboring country was turned away, when my friend failed to carry his old passport, at the time of submitting the form. His other friends would be travelling to the neighboring country, and this friend was to accompany them. Now he had to go to with his friends by all means, and these men had all the influence they required to bend the rules, in order to get the visa the very next day. The same thing happened to a family of four, husband and wife, and two boys, whose application was also turned away because the husband did not carry his old passport. But my friend got his visa at a record time, because of the “influence” he had exerted through a higher authority of our college.

Who on earth wants to accept defeat, failure and unjust verdict? No one wants to accept a verdict which is a blatant injustice, but here stands a man who does not open his mouth to oppose an unjust verdict, a condemnation by the Roman governor Pilate and the Pharisees and scribes. Why could Jesus the Nazarene make use of his “influence” to show how powerful he was, that he was more powerful than the Romans, of the Jewish leaders, both political and religious! Why could he not plead to his Father to send his angels to show how powerful the Messiah was? This seemingly stupid godman perhaps did not know the ways of the world, he stood to his guns, to unjustly suffer an ignominious death on the cross, and he would do it willingly.

He even had the guts to defend his position, of keeping mum, of not making use of his influence to defend himself from the worldly powerful. My kingdom does not belong to this world. If my kingdom did belong to this world, my attendants would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not here!” (Jn 18:35-36). Did he not know that he was living in the world and he must be a Roman in Rome? It is so hard to keep my mouth shut in the midst of blatant injustice done to others, and done to me, and if Jesus has the audacity to seal his lips before the mighty and powerful men and women of his time, he points me to the seed of being powerless before the world, for being powerless before the world necessarily points me to being powerful in the world beyond!

How heartening it is for me to see you standing like a pillar of stone before the deafening crowd, unjustly condemning you to death, and yet you had no word of protest, no word of rebuttal; you had the greatest ‘influence’, and yet you would not turn stones to fill your stomach! You show to me the amazing power of being powerless before the world, and this power alone is your strength even as you prepare yourself to embrace the barren cross. Next time when I am put into inconvenient situations, or deprived of my due rights and privileges, or even unjustly accused or punished, teach me not to run to the influences to save my skin, but prepare myself to keep my mouth sealed to show to the world the power of being powerless like you, my Master and Lord!

Seeds of Sanctity (SS)

Every human person has the potentiality to become a saint, the men and women whom we consider as worthy of special reverence and respect, who have contributed to the wellbeing of the world and of the universe through their sanctity. But all too often we think it is only the religious men and women who have committed themselves to the Lord through their vows and the clergy who have been sanctified through the sacrament of Ordination are eligible candidates to adorn our Church altars. It does not require me to state that such a notion is quite contrary to the life of sanctity that every person is called to, though the Church as yet, does not require saints from other religious faiths and traditions.

What makes a difference in the life of a saint, and why is it that some are able to achieve greater heights of sanctity, while some others are not? Take the case of some of the modern day saints and the blessed; Blessed Teresa of Kolkata or Saint Alphonsa! I was fortunate to see the last one and a half decades of the life of Blessed Teresa in Kolkata, and yet what a marked difference in the level of sanctity between her and me; true, the comparison does not go well at all. There were so many religious men and women who were contemporaries of Blessed Teresa, and went through similar kind of struggles and difficulties, and yet this saint of the gutters managed to achieve something which others could not.

I understand it is not easy to pinpoint what made saints and Blessed different from their contemporaries! Already at the outset I need to make this point loud and clear: when I say ‘a saint’ or ‘a blessed’ I don’t necessarily imply a person who has received the official approval of the Catholic Church. For I believe the world has so many saints from every nook and cranny of the world that our Church altars cannot contain, and the libraries of Vatican cannot hold! They too are saints, even if the world recognizes them or not, for sanctity is not merely associated with an external approving agency, such as that of the Vatican, but is associated with what one is called to!

As I stand at the threshold of yet another season of Lent this year, I would like to look back at the “way of the Cross”, our traditional piety and a moving means of coming closer to the Crucified Lord, to recognize seeds of sanctity which the Lord had pointed to us, even as he walked that one long journey to Calvary. The seeds are there, sometimes half hidden, sometimes covered by the blood of the Savior, some other times shrouded by the wickedness of humanity. I am here to seek these seeds and make a sincere effort to plant these seeds into the core of my being, so that I may one day walk the same path of Calvary, if not in concrete, but at least in spirit.

What I propose therefore is this : I shall take each station of the Cross, and seek a seed of sanctity hidden in the mystery of the suffering of the Master; these are not time for scriptural study of some key texts, nor time for serious exegesis, but time for a soul-searching seeking together with the countless men and women who had walked the same path of Calvary and found the seeds, and planted them in their souls and one day experienced the honor of being sharers in the life of their Lord. Therefore these are meditations, exercises of seeking and pondering over the life of the Lord vis-à-vis my life here and now! Who knows, at the end of my journey, I may have a seed or two, which may find fertile soil in my heart, and bear fruits which the Lord will be happy with!

In order to provide enough pointers for my body and mind to seek the seeds of sanctity in the midst of my life here and now, I shall spend a few more minutes. Therefore instead of the customary five paragraphs, I shall go up to seven paragraphs, and the last paragraphs will be a prayer of either supplication or surrender to the Lord. Each of the numbers in parenthesis after the title of the Blog will correspond to the traditional Stations of the Cross, and those who may afford can make use of the meditations for the Stations of the Cross too.

Guts to Call Cards

Not many persons have the guts and courage that some women have and constantly exhibit in a world where fear and inhibition are considered virtues. When I heard how this mother dared to shame the 40 plus aged man who tried to misbehave with her daughter in the bus - rubbing his body shamelessly on the young girl of about 14, I felt that this is the kind of woman that the world needs today, to tackle the many men who still think that they can take for granted that women are weak and would tolerate any kind of non-sense, without registering their protest. But the time has come for such men to reconsider their age-old concepts and judgments.

I would be happy even if there is one such woman in a hundred who would dare to blast the bastion of men, and challenge them at all cost. I remember many of my friends telling me, But why make such a fuss with the men who are not going to change their ways of behavior even if I protest! That is precisely what many a men take for granted, that women would not bother to challenge them, because ultimately they are going to be losers, whatever be the context and verdict. This woman however today teaches the world that the courage to be is part of any woman in the world, and if they hide this courage, they are not fully themselves!

According to the worldly standards today, the women and men who show extreme courage and guts, especially in favor of someone dear to them, are the easiest targets of the people who wish to take the whole world for a royal ride, and it is not seldom that these people become casualties too soon. The world is too frightened of the people with guts and great courage, and it cannot tolerate them, because such people can defy not only the material world, but also any moral and spiritual world. However the irony is because of these people that the world is still sane.

With guts and courage, what one requires to have in life is the moral stand to face all consequences, most of them going against them and the values they had been upholding; life would not be a bed of roses for these people, but if they want to have a quiet, calm life, then it would be better for them to hide their true selves and flow with the world. Unfortunately the world does not have too many whistle-blowers in our society, for these people cannot blow the whistle until there is some kind of security for their very existence.

It is sad that neither the society, nor nature is there to protect and safeguard the people who have the guts and courage to face all odds, questioning those which go against natural and social law, thus giving vent to their yearning to be fully human fully alive. As I salute this lady who had shown such guts to protect the honor of her girl, I only wish that every woman in society emulate the example of her, and show to the world of men that women cannot be considered just an object of pleasure, but that they too have a rightful place in society, which the men are bound to respect and honor!

Silence of the Spirit (3.c)

The modern world is so frightened of silence, of the outer silence, and all the more the inner silence, of the heart, of the soul! The noise around us some how make us think that we are safe and secure, and nothing untoward could happen to us, but the fact is far from it. We are most often so frightened of the "noise" outside, that we have to subdue it with out iPods, or MP3 players, or the FM radio, attached to our cellular phones. I find the trend contagious, and more and more people are attracted to this menace of running away from 'noise'.

Today as I come to realize the two layers of reality that I have fathomed, and now stand at the threshold of my being, what I become more and more conscious of the endless silence beckoning me to jump into the deep. The silence may be deafening, and it may even be dangerous, because it may make me come face to face with the reality of my being, but that is what I feel will make me authentic, to own up what I am without hiding anything of my past or present. I stand before the silence of my spirit, not knowing what is in store for me and how I am going to face it, but face I will.

Going beyond the layers of the body and the mind, today I wish to sink into the silence of my soul, of my Being; that is where I am sure I will encounter the Lord of my soul, but when I stand before my authentic self, what more would I need. I know for sure, that the other name of my Being is God! When I behold his beauty and splendor, I know I would recognize my own image on him. It is this silence which can give me a foretaste of living an authentic life, in communion with my being. The nagging doubt plagues me often, but will I be ever be able to be in touch with my Being all the days of my life?

As I behold the serenity of the silence of my soul, I realize that everything I have received from the world is rubbish in comparison to the precious jewel of this eternal silence; I would like to savor the sweetness of this silence, even as I sit quietly, firmly grounded on the earth I have been born into, establishing myself on the frameworks of the mind, I know I will get the glimpse of this silence at sometime or the other; if not immediately, at least in the not so distant future. To go beyond name and shape is something that is very challenging and difficult for me, but when I come to experience silence, I cannot hold on to the values of the world. I submit myself to go beyond name and shape in the presence of the limitless silence.

I have been taught many things wrongly from my childhood; even my faith had been misrepresented to me. I had been taught that I can taste of eternity only in the next world, but here I am at the threshold of eternity, a slice of eternity offered to me on a platter. When I enter into the eternal silence, am I not entering into the world of eternity, and that is where God dwells, that is where all the righteous and saintly persons and creatures live; even the music, I presume is, composed of silence! So are the Alleluiah and Sanctus! I know as I enter into this silence, I am entering into an altogether different world, the world where all of us are permanent citizens, for that is where we all belong to!

Sane Soul-mates (3.b)

Sometimes if we are lucky we may come across men and women who had managed to remove the obstruction which prevented them communing with their spirits directly and spontaneously. These persons may not be very difficult to identify, because even the ordinary persons would be able to take note of the glow surrounding them. They would radiate such a spiritual aura that anyone who comes in contact with them would experience the power of their spirit communication. Even if there is one single person in a thousand, the community is sure to experience the power of the soul, of the spirit, and they would be able to guide the community to greater spiritual heights.

One such person that the Indian sub-continent had witnessed some years ago was the Mahatma, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi of happy memory. If he was spectacular in nature, then we have the tribal leaders of Sidu Kanhu brothers, and each state would be able to identify such persons still living or dead. Even if they are dead, their spirit would be alive and active in a society. Today I would like to bring before my eyes one person who had remarkable ease to speak through his spirit. Gandhi was not merely a political force, who fought for the independence of India, but he was also a spiritual force, who taught the noble ideals of ahimsa (non-violence) and satyagraha (search for truth), and thanks to his contact with his spirit, today India can boast of relative peacefulness.

I would like to consider the kind of qualities which mark the people who have access to the well-springs of their spirits, and are able to affect the world they live in : fearlessness, certain amount of daring spirit; no one can harm them, neither death, not killing, they can defy any human power; conviction which spring from life experience: they would stand by what they are convinced of, and no one can turn them from the path they have chosen; spiritual power: these people go beyond all that is material and human, and they put their trust in a power which is lasting, eternal and transcendental; people of the heart: unlike the people who are guided by their heads (logic) these people are guided by their hearts, instincts and inner dynamism.

I can also think of some persons who enter into this spiritual realm, when they are subjected to certain unique kind of experiences. I remember one of my very senior friends narrating to me about her younger brother, who had been informed by the physicians that he would live but for one more month – he had reached advanced case of cancer and there would be no remedy for it, but bear with it until the last day! But this man, I was told wished to defy the impending death by being happy, spending his time in the hospital as joyful as he could, cheering up his other companions and family members… and when the month has passed, I hear that the person has not died, and instead there is a great improvement in his disease… this man was able to frighten cancer, and that is the power of his spirit!

If I am not able to live by my spirit, then I need to take a good look at the four characteristics of persons who live by their spirits: fearlessness, conviction, spiritual power, heart-centered! I would like to ask myself what makes me fearful, why am I afraid of living by my convictions, what makes me give up the spiritual power and seek material and worldly power, and why do I resort to the head instead of the heart? I am also aware that I am not going to change into a person animated by the spirit all of a sudden; I will not become like Mahatma Gandhi or Sidu Kanhu over night; it would take me some years before I can live by my heart spontaneously, without anyone telling me, or myself being aware of it! But my long journey can begin today!

San(ct)ity of the Spirit (3.a)

The essence of my reflection, meditation and contemplation today, as I venture into deeper waters of the world of the Spirit, is taken from the sacred scripture of the Hindus, the Bhagavad Gita, chapter 2, verses 16 to 21. These words spoken by Lord Krishna, addressed to his disciple Arjuna, who refused to fight the battle against his kinsmen, have words of wisdom. Each verse of this excerpt is worth spending ample time with, because what I find here is the essence of all religions and spiritualities, and if I am able to enter into the deeper realization these words can awaken in me, then I would look at reality with different eyes, and I cannot be the same man I was yesterday. The Gita invites me to enter into deeper waters to find the meeting point of my Spirit with the Eternal Spirit.

The invisible Spirit (Sat, Atma) is eternal, and the visible world (including the physical body) is transitory. The reality of these two is indeed certainly seen by the seers of truth. (2.16) The Spirit (Atma) by which all this universe is pervaded is indestructible. No one can destroy the imperishable Spirit. (2.17) Bodies of the eternal, immutable, and incomprehensible Spirit are perishable. Therefore, fight, O Arjun. (2.18) One who thinks that Atma (Spirit) is a slayer, and the one who thinks Atma is slain, are both ignorant. Because Atma neither slays nor is slain. (2.19) The Spirit (Atma) is neither born nor does it die at any time. It does not come into being, or cease to exist. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. (2.20) O Arjun, how can a person who knows that the Spirit (Atma) is indestructible, eternal, unborn, and immutable, kill anyone or cause anyone to be killed? (2.21) [trans. By Ramananda Prasad, http://www.gita4free.com/english_completegita2.html].

What Lord Krishna refers to the Spirit is the very same one that all human persons possess; there are some who believe that animals and plants do not have Spirits, and that is a contestable issue and I am not prepared to enter into that area. But the spirit that I am privileged to have a peek into during the moment of ‘stillness’ between the noisy moments of my mindscape, is the same one which is present in all people, great or small, rich or poor, men or women. My spirit is part of the Eternal Spirit of the creator, sustainer God, and during the time of creation I am breathed into my body this life spirit, the birthless, deathless spirit. In other words, I see my life on earth as just one tiny phase in the life of the universe.

Unless I remove the obstruction created by the body and mind, I will not be able to see my spirit, and this spirit will be powerless under the shadow of the body and mind, and that is why I had tried to clear the layers of the body and the mind, so that I may have a clear look at the spirit. Some might prefer to call this soul, but I would love to call it spirit, because soul is something of a spiritual jargon, while spirit is a common word denoting a higher power, accepted by all religions, including the animistic and pantheistic ones. If everyone around me also possess the same kind of spirit which is animating and activating me, then how can I harm another person? When I harm a person, am I not causing damage to his/her spirit too?

Here I encounter a problem: the spirit is indestructible, and so when I try to harm a person, I can harm only his/her body, and I cannot do anything to the spirit. And when I try to kill a person or murder my rival, ultimately I lose the battle, because I will never be able to subdue his/her spirit, and it is only a coward who will try to harm the body and not the spirit. And that is precisely what Jesus had told his disciples : “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” [Matthew 10:28]. There are several men and women down the centuries who are proof to this, and as I contemplate their lives, I become more conscious of the power that is deep within me, in the form of the Spirit!

Slipping into Stillness (2.c)

All these years I had realized that one of the most difficult battles to win for a human person is with one’s own mind; it may be easier to control one’s body, but not so the mind. All the rishis and munis, who had resorted to the Himalayas to enter into austere tapasya were doing just one thing : to remove the opaque sheet of the mind that prevented them from encountering their Being, the Lord of the Universe. What I think, Lord Buddha did at the shade of the bodhi tree was also precisely the same, to bring the mind under his control, not consciously though, but through awareness of the interplay of thoughts, and distancing himself from them. Even if I begin a non-stop tapasya in order to control my mind, I may hardly pass the test even at the time of my death! This is a lifelong test, and very few could be said to have passed the test.

But I have nothing to worry, because having even a momentary glance of the Eternal is worth a million, for even a tiny fragment of eternity is equal to the largest section of it, and by partaking of the eternal, I become part of what I partake, and I would not want anything more. It is possible that after weeks of practice, of observing the mindscreen for a few weeks as an external viewer, I may be able to find a few seconds of quietness and stillness, and the mind may be back to its play soon. But those couple of seconds can do me a lot more good than all my mindgazing, and that is what I am going to do today: to catch my mind off-guard at different moments of the day.

I am not going to venture into doing something which even seasoned saints and sages have not been able to achieve after decades of their sadhana. I would do something which I can reasonably attempt. Starting from the beginning of the day, I am going to pause for a minute, say at every 30 minutes or one hour, to find what my mind is busy with, and will spend about five minutes observing it each time. Without entering into the scene, I would drop in as if I am walking into the cinema hall at different moments to see what is going on. It is rarely that I might find the mind preoccupied with the same thing, but what it is preoccupied with may give me a clue to what matters the most in life for me.

The exercise itself is not an easy one, because once I quieten myself each time, I have to close my eyes in order to slowly focus the attention on the movements of the mind. It is like focusing of persons through the lens of a video camera. I may not be able to find what the mind is busy with at the beginning, until I have narrowed the focus to the endless stream of thoughts. Here I am expected to move above the physical (and physiological) reality, body sensations, feelings… Thus if there is tension or disturbance in the body, that is not going to let me concentrate or focus on the mindplay. Thus, I need to relax and make my body comfortable before I enter into this realm.

I realize one of the most difficult aspects of this exercise is to separate myself from my thoughts; I am so mixed up with my thoughts, to distance myself from the mind’s game is tough; but as Tolle assures, with practice I may be able to experience the stillness, at least in bits and pieces. Even these bits and pieces of stillness can give me enough spiritual nourishment, enough to last a life-time. Let me savor the sweetness of these few seconds, for these are the greatest privileged spiritual fruits that the season of Lent can bring to me, and help me take a peek at what great treasures are there for the people who can persevere. When I realize that I am able to experience at least a few seconds of stillness within, then I know that I am ready to enter into the third phase of my inward journey!

Play and Pause! (2.b)

Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite authors, and his seminal work The Power of Now put me in an altogether different mental disposition. I began to look at reality of the mental magic with a different perspective, thanks to Tolle’s inspiring words. Today I am going to put into practice something of what Tolle has recommended in his book, The Power of Now, because that would be the gateway to enter into the third phase of our inward journey, to the Spirit. I have already relaxed my body, and have become conscious of the magic and miracle that the human mind is capable of, but beyond these magic and miracles is another realm of the mindstream, by which I mean an endless flow of “noise” which can obstruct me from reality, and entry into the core of my being.

I would like to become conscious of how my mind works, because most often I take this for granted. I seldom pause for a while to realize what my mind does and how much of control I really have on my mindstream! I sit quietly in my room or any place where I feel comfortable, and close my eyes if that helps me, and remain still for a while. Then I begin to become conscious of what my mind is preoccupied with, without trying to control what it thinks. I will be an external observer, as if I am watching a movie of what is happening on my mindscreen. I would not make any value judgment if what the mind is thinking about is good or bad! I just observe the mind’s movements for about five minutes.

I realize that there is no better non-stop chatter-box on earth than the human mind, my mind. It moves from one thought to another, sometimes coherently, some other times incoherently. Sometimes it projects thoughts which are meaningful, some other times, sheer meaningless, useless thoughts. There are socially acceptable thoughts and other times, socially unacceptable thoughts. But I begin to realize as I witness this great drama, or movie on the mindscreen that most of the time my mind is busy and occupied with things which do not necessarily concern me, and things which I do not wish to be associated with. But do I have a choice? The moment when I try to make a value judgment, then I am only giving more power to the mind.

One thing is clear for me, so long the mind is busy and occupied, I have no access to my spirit, where I can encounter the Lord of my heart. The mind places a opaque film between me and my spirit, my Being, the really Real. Most often I become involved with the mindstream, and react to what goes on inside the mind, and it would be shown in my body response. When my mind imagines pleasant things, then my body is relaxed, but when my mind imagines and projects violent objects or events, then my body is tensed and stiff. Tolle suggests that I distance myself from my mind; I am not my mind. I remain outside of the mind, and just observe what goes on within, and there would be moments when I might experience absence of thoughts, and they are moments of ‘silence’, and they are the moments when this opaque plate is removed and I have access to reality.

I am quite used to star-gazing, and today I am going to do mind-gazing, observing my mind, all that is going on in it, without forcefully trying to enter into silence. As I become conscious of the thoughts from outside, the thoughts subside by themselves, and I may be able to enjoy absence of thoughts for just a few seconds, but if I continue to mindgaze regularly, these moments of ‘silence’ may gradually increase, and in this most precious moments I may become one with reality, divinity, and am not touched or disturbed by either pain or pleasure. It is at this moment that I become truly a child of God, experiencing the godliness that I received at the time of my birth. Once I begin to taste this precious moments of ‘silence’ I would be prepared to give up anything in exchange for it. I am slowly moving close to my being.

Mind Matters (2.a)

Today I am going to contemplate on the wonder of the human mind, that most intricate machinery, which is far superior to any machine we can conceive. And every human person is endowed with this miracle-machine from birth, and we carry it with us until we breathe our last. God has created the mind in such a way that it is not something palpable, and is not one of the body organs. This makes a great difference. If it were one of the organs, then it should also be “transferable”, and I would not have been surprised there would have been ‘mind transplants’ possible, and God’s wonderful creation might have been subjected to commercial venture.

Let me look around me, even as I sit quietly inside my room, my living room, or office, taking a good look at the different things neatly arranged; the table clock, pile of papers, the telephone, pen, pencil, stapler, paper weight, the computer, compact disks, the electric light, fan, the almirah, books, the wall calendar… It would be quite impossible for me to enlist all of them. There are so many things around me that most often I take them for granted. As I take a good look at all of them, one by one, I shall try to imagine the wonder of human mind which has conceived this, and given shape to it in this form. For instance, I look at the book; the creation of paper, printing technology, the labor of several people, of packaging, the concept of language… it is mind-boggling to even imagine the way how human mind has given expression to this great wonder.

The mind makes use of the human body to give physical shape to whatever matters; but let me also consider some of the evils that the human mind has conceived and given shape to – the weapons of destruction, the arms and ammunition, gun powder, guns, the bombs… instead of helping create humanity had also made use of the mind to create means of destruction. Everything that is evil in the world is naturally the fruit of human mind, just as everything noble and beautiful are also conceived by the mind. Behind every attempt to destroy the fellow human being, there is a tendency to be self-centered, to make sure that the fittest survive (I remember Charles Darwin’s theory of ‘survival of the fittest’).

Apart from the beauty in the world, which is the work of God the creator, if there is certain order, discipline and beauty in the human society, it is thanks to the ingenuity of the human mind. We know how to organize the numerous things in our rooms, in such a way that when I enter the room, I find it cozy and comfortable, I can locate the things which I had filed some days or months ago, I can have the joy of having all the things I need within my reach. I did not need to learn interior designing, in order to organize my living or office room. The human mind is capable of providing all the necessary data in order to make something beautiful. Is it not a wonderful thing to be able to bring order and discipline in the midst of chaos and disorder?

If I have to understand how the human mind is complex, then I need to open up an electric or electronic appliance, and see the different circuits and components inside. For the most part, I don’t understand how these are made, assembled, and the human mind is also capable of improving on them, fine-tuning them, and reproducing as and when required. From where did the human persons get the idea of venturing into the field of creating useful tools other than the one that the benevolent nature supplied? I spend time wondering at the greatness and uniqueness of the human mind, which has no limits. What does my mind seem to tell me here and now? Let me listen to it, and it may have something to tell me!

Temple of the Spirit (1.c)

I place myself in the presence of the Lord, and take a few moments to “feel” his presence; the aura of the Lord’s presence surrounding me. I sit comfortably in a position which I feel at ease with, and now become conscious of my body, the different parts which make it. Let me pay attention to the different parts which are tensed, and I relax them. I call on the particular part and ask it to relax… my right shoulder, relax! I loosen the muscles, and can feel the entire body becoming light, almost weightless. When I feel comfortable, then I bring to my mind that this body which I behold here and now is not only a fragile God’s creation, but is also a temple of the Spirit; it is here that God deigns to dwell. Therefore it is holy and sacred!

God has sanctified my body by breathing into me his own life spirit, and the air I breathe in is but his breath… it is his breath which nourishes me. Let me therefore turn my attention to my breathing, the cool air entering into my body, filling my lungs and come out with the impurities, warm! Close my eyes and feel the breath, become conscious of the air entering in and getting out. I will also focus on the heaving of my chest, the gradual filling of my lungs, and how it feels on the nostrils. Let me stay with my breathing as long as I can, because it is the life spirit of God that has been given to me, and this spirit makes my body holy and sacred. God is not only a passive craftsman, but he has shared part of his Self by breathing into me.

I also become aware of the different ways how this body is made to indulge in things unholy, contrary to his divine plan; the eyes which see evil, the ears which listens to gossip, the mouth which curses and abuses others verbally, gluttony through which I eat more than I really need, hands through which I harm others, my sexual organs which are sometimes subjected to unholy acts of self gratification, my flesh, about which sometimes I am too fastidious… My body is by itself holy and sacred and it is only the conscious I who subject it to sinful tendencies. I shall move from the top considering how different parts of my body become vehicles of defaming the creator who made me.

The human body has immense potentiality, and today I would like to become conscious of it. I recall to mind some of the most outstanding works that I was able to do during the past few years, and the body had been always the vehicle through which I was able to carry out these noble, beautiful works. It is like Alladin’s magic lamp, you rub it and the genie appears, ‘Your wish, my command!’ The body is there always to do what I wish it to do. I receive this immense potentiality and creativity from the creator, the omnipotent God. Let me also remember some of the achievements people around me had made using their bodies. The human body is capable of achieving far more things than the best computers can.

If my body is the temple of the Spirit, the house where the Lord of the universe dwells, then it is only proper that I keep it neat and tidy. Today I pause for a moment to recall the moments when I had abused my body, or different parts of it! I remember the moments when I had not cared for this body sufficiently, failed to listen to what the hands or legs had to tell me when I forced them to the point of collapsing, or moments when I had forced to cover the natural beauty with artificial materials, when I had not given opportunity for nature to cure the commonplace ailments but rushed to artificial means of arresting them, when I had not given enough rest to my body, but made it work for days without sufficient rest… Let me for a while listen to my body, what is it telling me now!

Living Creation (1.b)

Let me continue from where I stopped during the previous part (1.a). I had been looking at each part of my body, appreciating the contours and beauty of each part, chiseled by the master craftsman. Now it is time that I own up my body as it is, and not as I would have loved it to be. I have very little power or option to change the way I have been created (and even the best of plastic surgeons may not be able to give an original appearance to my body, as I have been created!), but it would do me good to accept my body as I behold it here and now, with all its proportions, shapes, and contours. Let me accept my body as it is, without wishing anything to be different from what it is!

I would like to apply the Ignatian application of the senses contemplation to “commune” with my body as I behold it here and now! I had already completed the first part of the contemplation, seeing each part of my body; now let me listen to my body, let me listen to every little sound that my body makes; the heartbeat, the heaving of my chest, the breathing in and out, the knuckles, the movement of different parts of the body… let me listen to my body. What does it say to me? Let me run down my body from top to bottom listening to each part, and maybe even in the stillness of their being, they may be telling me something profound; maybe the muscles may ask me to release them, the chest may wish to breathe in and breathe out at its own pace… Let me pay close attention to their “speech”.

I have almost forgotten how I smell? It is not that I have to smell my body only when I wear some fragrance or body spray; everybody has its own odour, and scientists may call this pheromones, which are supposedly responsible for love attractions, all that I am interested in here is to be aware of how I smell. Am I comfortable with the body odour of my self, or do I hate it, and wish to cover it up with an artificial body spray? The next phase of the exercise is to taste how my body is; new-borns and toddlers do it spontaneously. When toddlers suck their thumbs, what they do is taste their body, though Sigmund Freud would have a different explanation. Let me lick different parts of my body and see for me how I taste!

The last part of this exercise is to feel my body as it is; to be alert and conscious of what is happening to my body; if I am not going to be conscious of what is happening to my body, then who can? Let me close my eyes, and lying on the floor on my back (in savasana – dead body posture), legs spread apart, and both the hands about 10 inches from the hip… let me become conscious of each part of my body, and let me enter into a dialogue with each of them! What do they have to tell me here and now? Let me release every form of pain or tension and uneasiness, and relax all the muscles. Let me not hold any tension within, but leave them all slowly and joyously.

When I have relaxed my entire body, I might fall asleep, but I would appeal to my body not to fall asleep, and sure enough the body would respond to my appeal positively. There is no obedient subordinate to me than my own body. I continue to lie on my back in savasana position. Now following the exercise by Anthony De Mello, considering myself as dead, and my body placed before others, let me see how different persons respond to this body. Let me look at this body as if I am a third person; look how different persons look at the body. Let me listen to what they say, what they do. Is there anything which is striking to me in the way how they treat my body? Let me stay for a while looking at my body… Then I would be ready to enter into the third phase of the day’s journey inward!

Dust thou art! (1.a)

I am going to contemplate on the miracle of my body today, the gateway, as it were, to my encounter with the Lord of my soul. The body, which we are told, was created by God out of mud, and to earth we all shall return! How true it is! Let me begin to realize that whatever be my name and fame, social status, educational qualifications, the great and important offices I hold, the kind of influence I can exert in my community, the number of person who love to follow my words literally, without ever questioning them, the amount of riches and wealth that I have made out of sheer hard work and labor, what am I at the end of it all! A few kilograms of soil, that is what I am, and that is what all of us will ever be!

I would like to spend an hour sitting at the garden, or at a quiet place where I am alone with the earth! Let my feet rest on the ground, the hard earth, and let me walk on the earth consciously telling myself that I am treading on the lives of so many of human persons, who might have died hundreds and thousands of years ago. Let me close my eyes for a while and imagine a pile of human bodies strewn on my path, and I am walking over them! Let me continue my walk imagining that the soil on earth is nothing but the composite of human bodies. Let me also remind myself that one day I would be trodden upon by the future generations. That is what I am!

Now let me sit quietly in a corner of the garden, take a handful of mud and hold it tenderly, look at it lovingly, because that is what I am, and that is what I would be after some years. This is what the people I love the most on earth are and would be after some years. The best and the worst that the world can offer me is nothing but a handful of mud! The greatest possessions I can claim power and authority over are but a few hands full of mud. Let me continue to gaze at the mud, the color, shape, smell and the kind of feeling they create on my fingers; the coarse feeling! Let me smell it and consume the smell of it and fill my lungs with it. This is what I am, this is what I will be!

As I look at the handful of mud in my hand, let me see the mud being shaped by a master craftsman into my image and likeness, let me take a good look at the image of myself before my eyes; the image is lifeless, it is as good as a dead body; there is no life in it! Let me pay attention to the continuous fine tuning of this image by the craftsman, who keeps on improving it; the painstaking task of providing the much needed contours to the image makes the craftsman sweat his blood out, but there is joy on his face. When it is done, I witness him breathing into the lifeless image, and I am created! Once I am in full shape, I see the craftsman no more. I see the marvel of my body, though it is made of mud, it is but an exquisite work of art!

Now it is time for me to move to my room, carrying in my mind the body that had been created out of mud, and remove all the clothes, and stand in the middle of the room. Today is the time for me to take a good look at my body, the wonder machine far superior than any that human beings were able to make. I make take about an hour to really see every part of my body, starting either from the top or the bottom, moving gently from one part to another! I might use a looking mirror to have a look at my face… let me take note of the many things which are in my body, about which I had not been conscious of… the moles, scars, veins, … Let me look at my body as if I am watching at the best art work in a museum! Let me explore the wonder of my body, slowly and respectfully!