Ignatian Insights 10: Desolation

Opposite of consolation is desolation, and is yet another important term developed by Inigo on the basis of his own spiritual experiences. The first time that Inigo mentions ‘desolation’ in the Spiritual Exercises is in No. 13, “to act against the desolation and overcome the temptations, the exercitant ought to remain always a little longer than the full hour…” But for an explanation of what he means by this term, we need to move to the Discernment of Spirits for Week I. After explaining consolation, Inigo explains desolation: “By this kind of desolation I mean everything which is the contrary of whatever described in the Third Rule; for example, obtuseness of soul, turmoil within it, an impulsive motion toward low and earthly things, or disgust from various agitations and temptations” (317:1-2).

This is a spiritual experience, which can be likened to the “dark night of the soul” of some of the saints of our times, such as St Theresa of Avila, St John of the Cross, and even Blessed Teresa of Kolkata. Here one experiences the lack of the evangelical virtues of hope, faith and charity, and one feels listless, tepid, unhappy and separated from God (317:3). If this is the painful moment one goes through, Inigo observes that the person should not make a change, but should remain firm and constant in the resolutions and decisions made before the desolation (318:1). There is yet another thing that we should do at the time of desolation: “by insisting on prayer, meditation, earnest self-examination, and some suitable way of doing penance” (319).

Though at the time of desolation we may feel quite low and feel the Lord has withdrawn his abundant fervour, love and grace, and yet he supplies his grace for our salvation. In other words, during this time, one may feel the absence of the Lord, but it is not the absence in reality, but merely a feeling of the absence of the Lord; that is to say, one’s inner eyes are blinded during this time, and one is not able to see the Lord. Therefore Inigo invites us to persevere in patience, and this way one may be able to counterattack against the vexations experienced. And one can be sure that soon consolation will return, and one may experience the nearness of God and the increase of hope, faith and charity (321).

In no. 322, Inigo presents three chief causes of desolation: first, we ourselves are tepid, lazy or negligent in our spiritual exercises and therefore consolation leaves; second, it is meant to test how much we will be able to align ourselves with God and his service even in the apparent absence of his presence, and third, to recognize and understand that all expressions of consolation, namely great devotion, intense love, tears are a gift and grace from God, and reminding us not to indulge in vainglory that we merited the spiritual consolation.

We could ask ourselves, what the notion of desolation reminds us of, and why it is important for us to be aware of this. First, every person who is seriously concerned about his/her spiritual well-being will be confronted by desolation at some time or other, and we should be prepared to face it when it comes. Second, Inigo presents some simple ways of responding to desolation, which may come handy to us. Third, Inigo reminds us that desolation is not the time to lose all hope of finding God, and the peace and tranquillity which flow from Him, but to remain steadfast and wait patiently for consolation. Fourth, he reminds us that often we ourselves may cause desolation, and therefore warns us not to give scope to them.

Ignatian Insights 9: Indifference

The English word ‘indifference’ perhaps does not adequately express what Inigo meant by the word, and therefore it demands an explanation. This principle is so central to Inigo’s understanding of the spiritual journey of a person, without perfecting this ‘indifference’, it would be impossible to excel in spiritual virtues. It is so central that Inigo introduces this notion already in the Principle and Foundation (no. 23) of the Spiritual Exercises. This is considered a basic attitude demanded of a person who sincerely seeks to achieve his own salvation and that of his neighbour.

Let us consider what Inigo means by ‘indifference’ in the Spiritual Exercises: “To attain this [goal for which I am created], it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things, in regard to everything which is left to our free will and is not forbidden” (23:5). George E. Ganss explains what Inigo implies by ‘indifference’ – “undetermined to one thing or option rather than another; impartial, unbiased; without decision suspended until the reasons for a wise choice are learned; still undecided”. This implies interior freedom from disordered affections. We would do great injustice to Inigo if we take this word to mean unconcerned about the issue, which is what the word may mean to an ordinary person.

Indifference as observed by Inigo is a noble and spiritual value, and is not easy to attain, unless we are able to free ourselves from the personal bias, prejudices and lopsided attachments. Only the people who are ready to start the spiritual journey from the starting point, without already having a ready-made route map will be able to choose the best means to reach the destination, and the best way which is sure to reach him. Any attempt to start the journey with a pre-conceived route map and the possible means, it would automatically exclude all other means some of which may be more expedient and favourable to reach the destination. But the problematic area is to free the mind and heart from any pre-fabricated route maps, and start from ground zero.

This notion of spiritual indifference, if we may call this so, is so very dear to other religious traditions too. In the Bhagavad Gita, while talking about the kind of people who are dear to Him, Lord Krishna tells his disciple Arjuna that those who are neither cold or hot, neither moved by joys or sorrows, those who are not affected by praise or accusations, such are the people who are dear to Him. In other words, those who are controlled by the human choices, which can be erroneous often, and those swayed by the movements of the mind, they would not be able to focus their attention on the Lord, or His words.

Inigo invites us to embark on our spiritual journey, without choosing the route map of our own making, the fruit of our own whims and fancies, and are invited to leave behind our extra sandals, tunic and purse, because these are the very things Jesus told his disciples to leave behind, when he sent them on their first missionary enterprise. It is only then that we will be able to feel the providential care of God, who alone knows best what we are in need of, and which means can best serve us. Indifference does not mean unconcernedness, but even moves close to the more difficult and challenging option, and if only we taste what this means in our spiritual life, we will begin to make it part of our spiritual costume to protect ourselves from onslaught by the world.

Ignatian Insights 8: Tantum Quantum

Several means may be employed in order to achieve a particular goal, and we may not rate the means equally. Some of the means may be superior to others, and some others easy and practical. If we are to be stuck by the means while assessing them, then we may miss the bus; our aim is to discern the most suitable means which will take us to the fulfillment of the goal. Here I cannot hold on to any of the means, but should strive to be "indifferent" to the available means. Connected to the notion of 'indifference' is the important idea of tantum quantum, which is one of the central themes of the Principle and Foundation of the Spiritual Exercises (no. 23). He insists that I should be prepared to accept only the means which would take me to the goal.

Human as we are, there are several biases, prejudices and pre-conceived notions which control the selection of the means to reach the goal. We may be attached to certain means, which, instead of taking us to the goal, may only distract and distance us. Here what is more important is the conviction as to what I really want. If I would like to have an experience of the forest, I should not be lost in the details of a particular tree. But if the means become my primary concern, then it is an indication I am not giving sufficient importance to the goal. I may come to know more about that particular tree, but may not know anything about the forest. Sri Ramkrishna used to say, there are as many ways as there are opinions.

It is only through an impartial adn even indifferent sifting and consideration of the means which can take me to the goal. It is only when I am prepared to take only the means which will take me to the end, that I will be focusing on the goal, instead of the means. The means cannot occupy my central focus, but the goal should. Here Inigo presents the golden rule of tantum quantum, meaning I should make use of the means only in as much as they take me to the goal I am aiming at. If they take me to the goal, I shall use them, and if they do not, then I shall not use them. However I should remember that all the means should be just adn rightful.

It is from this understanding that Inigo proceeds to state that I should be open to make use of whichever means that will help me, and therefore I shall not favour one to another. Therefore I shall seek one means to another, but keeping myself 'indifferent' to the means. It is possible that I might think a particular means may take me to the goal, but after some time I may realize that it was taking me another direction. Thus long life or short life, riches or poverty, sickness or health, we should be open to whichever means that is useful to us.

It may be difficult for us to choose the right means if we are not free from 'inordinate attachments', which may bind us. For instance, if I am attached to long life, I may revolt with God, when I am to glorify him thorugh my short life. Similarly if God invites me to bear witness to him through poverty, when I am attached to riches, I might struggle to stomach the challenge God may present to me. If only we begin to make use of this golden rule of Inigo, to select the means to rach a particular goal, then we will have more things to thank and praise God!

Ignatian Insights 7: Consolation

Inigo was in touch with what was happening to himself, from the time of his convalescence at the castle of Loyola, after he was wounded at the battle of Pompalona. He could recognize two kinds of movements as he dreamed of the lady of high position, whom he desired to marry, and as he reflected about the life of Christ and of saints. In his ‘autobiography’ he states that some thoughts left him dry, while some others left him happy and peaceful. He was already sifting the movements of his heart, and that would become the foundation of his understanding on the movements of the spirit. But for now we shall concentrate on his understanding on consolation, the movement of the spirit which led him to inner peace and joy.

He goes on to explain this concept when he deals with Discernment of Spirits for Week I. The way he had given the title for this chapter in the Spiritual Exercises is quite interesting. He writes, ‘Rules to aid us toward perceiving and then understanding at least to some extent, the various motions which are caused in the soul: the good motions that they may be received, and the bad that they may be rejected’. The numbers that deal with consolation are 316, 323-24. First let us understand what he means by consolation.

By this kind of consolation I mean that which occurs when some interior motion is caused within the soul through which it comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord. As a result it can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all (SpEx 316:1). It is important that we realize that consolation is an “interior motion” and therefore it cannot be associated with external experiences, and the result is the soul being inflamed with the love of God, leading to love him alone! It is a spiritual experience, which cannot be roused by ourselves. God is the origin of all consolation.

Inigo observes yet one more vital aspect to mean consolation : “every increase in hope, faith and charity, and every interior joy which calls and attracts one toward heavenly things and to the salvation of one’s soul, by bringing it tranquillity and peace in its Creator and Lord” (SpEx 316:4). Therefore when we experience an increase in the evangelical virtues of faith, hope and charity, we know that we are experiencing consolation, and the fruit of this experience will be evident in the interior joy, attraction towards heavenly things, tranquillity and peace. It is not that only spiritual persons experience consolation; at some time or other every one of us go through this kind of experience, though we may not realize that this is consolation.

Every consolation may lead us to desolation, and therefore while experiencing consolation, one should prepare to face desolation (SpEx 323), and one should conduct oneself humbly (324). It is a wonderful feeling to experience consolation, but one should not forget that there is no perpetual consolation; everyone has to go through dark nights of the soul, desolation in the terminology of Inigo. He goes on to show the origin of consolation: without a preceding cause (SpEx 330), by means of a preceding cause acting for the progress of the soul (SpEx 331). Therefore Inigo invites us to examine if the consolation actually proceeds from God, or if it actually comes from the evil one.

Ignatian Insights 6: Agere contra

In his times, Inigo should have been not only a popular, much-sought-after spiritual master, but also an expert psychologist, psycho-analyst, who paved the way for the future Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. He was able to probe into the human mind and heart, and bring out the best in them. He was able to propose answers to some of the perennial problems seekers had been going through, especially in search of spiritual well-springs. One wonders how he was able to present the problems of the human mind and heart, and provide suitable solutions to counter them! It is obvious that Inigo began to observe his own self for a considerable amount of time, which resulted in his recommendations to tame the human mind and heart.

Since he knew how to tame and bring to full control the normal human tendencies, Inigo made use of simple tools to do this. Agere contra (in Latin, acting against) is one such tool, with which Inigo was able to bring an order or discipline in the life of a person. This notion is found in many of the works of the spiritual master, especially in his spiritual classic, the Spiritual Exercises. In the Introductory Explanations, no. 13, Inigo points out how agere contra could become a useful tool to defeat the enemy: “Hence, to act against the desolation and overcome the temptations, the exercitant ought to remain always a little longer than the full hour, and in this way become accustomed not merely to resist the enemy but even to defeat him”.

The same thing could also be applied to other spheres of one’s spiritual life, and the purpose of doing the opposite is to defeat the enemy, and not to give scope for falling. This is very much in tune with the new teachings of Jesus, as found in the Sermon on the Mount, showing our second cheek to someone who slaps us, and to give the tunic to the one who takes our cloak, and walk for two miles with the one who asks us to walk for a mile, though here the intention is to defeat the psychological victory of the person who imposes certain thing on us. This implies that we should be well-disposed to accept and even willingly embrace privation, humiliation, insults and ultimately to humble ourselves as our master was.

During the initial years of his new life, Inigo had studied the different tricks that the Satan had employed in him, and out of them he had drawn this practical implication. In his spiritual journal, popularly known as his autobiography, Inigo had narrated how he was tempted to keep his hair long and nails growing, because he wanted to be as close to the saints as possible, and as a sign of his penitent life, and after he realized that it was the temptation imposed on him by the evil one, he cut his hair and nail, and thus defeated the tricks of the enemy. Thus Inigo had found agere contra bringing a lot of spiritual fruit both in his personal life and in the life of those who practised it.

We shall find that the notion is very effective in the case of persons who would like to excel in their practice of spiritual virtues, so that they always go one step ahead of where they are left. They cannot afford to let the evil one take chance over them, and through a calculated move, the evil one had to be defeated, and the aspirant would deprive himself of the personal pleasure, comfort and other privileges. Agere contra could be practised only by persons who are well-disposed, and are generous enough not to count the personal loss or wounds inflicted by others. It is obvious then that this is meant for those who are good and virtuous, and wish to go ahead in coming closer to the Lord, and not meant for those who are struggling with their vices.

Ignatian Insights 5 : Salvation

Salvation had been one of the predominant themes at the time Inigo lived, and this notion had a deep impact on the man who had great dreams. The human salvation had been one of the preoccupations of Inigo throughout his life. When he was stuck by the cannon ball of the French army at the battle of Pampalona, he was least bothered about his salvation, leave alone of others. But as he was convalescing at the Loyola Castle, and reading the lives of Christ and of saints, he realized a need to ask himself what he was seeking in life, and that led him to a life-long quest, searching for ways of achieving his salvation and that of others.

The quest of personal salvation and that of others has been a major concern for Inigo, as he avowed to go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, after his health was restored at Loyola. This he put down at the Principle and Foundation in his little book, The Spiritual Exercises (no. 23). He had realized that the goal of human existence was to praise, reverence God and by doing this to achieve one’s own salvation, and that of others. The notions of vain glory, honor and pride, the three cardinal vices which Satan’s camp advocated, could only prevent him from achieving his salvation.

We may wonder why Inigo was preoccupied with this notion almost from the very beginning of his new life; though he had occasionally experienced the fear of the fires of hell for his past sins, his main reason for paying close attention to personal salvation was to find avenues where he would find lasting peace, joy and consolation. The day dreaming about vain glory and the noble lady whom he desired to marry, only left him high and dry. He realized Christ and the saints alone could open the gates of his personal salvation.

As soon as he embarked on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, with no moneyand possessions, but fully trusting in the providence of God, he felt deep within an urge to share his spiritual insights with others. He engaged himself in spiritual conversation with people who were attracted to his piety and holiness. This was not an attempt on the part of Inigo to parade his spiritual insights, but he was keenly interested in influencing others to come back to the Lord and find their own salvation in him. He felt he could positively influence others who were inclined to his sharing, and thus drew them closer to God. He was not always successful in bringing people back to God, but he made sincere attempts to help others find their own salvation.

It would be quite irrelevant to ask ourselves if Inigo was successful in achieving the salvation of himself and that of others. He realized that after his conversion he was a changed man, who was committed to the Lord, and he could never think of getting back to his earlier times of chivalry or royal service. The fact that he had several significant spiritual experiences, especially at river Cardoner, at St Paul outside Rome, we know that he was placed with Christ carrying his Cross, as a true son and servant of God. Inigo wished to remind us that part of our salvation also depends on the salvation of others we are living with. And herein lies yet another unique contribution of Ignatius of Loyola.

Ignatian Insights 4 : Heart

Inigo from the moment of his conversion at the age of 21 comes across to us as a man of the heart, whose life-long journey in spirit has been prompted and propelled by the heart. He gave more importance to how human heart was able to put us in close touch with our spirit, than our head can possibly do. He did not disregard the important and vital role rationality played in the life of persons, but he was quite conscious more often it was the heart which could open the gates to God, if one was alert and prompt to the indications of the heart.

It is evident from the journey of Inigo – from Loyola Castle to Rome, to occupy the upper room which became his office – spanning some 40 years, that he was constantly in touch with what was happening to himself, and he tried to take snapshots of his heart constantly, especially the examination of consciousness twice daily. It is not a mental exercise, but a review of the past hours to find the footprints of God in our hearts. Those who fail to recognize God’s footprints are sure to blame him for his absence. Inigo’s heart was constantly raising itself to God, who alone resided at the core of its being, and nourished Inigo all through.

The priority that Inigo gave to the human heart is also evident from the fact that Inigo wanted the exercitants of the Spiritual Exercises to go through contemplations, which would help them to be in touch with their hearts. The fifth prayer hour of each day of the 30 days spiritual experience was devoted to the Application of the Senses, which again made the exercitant to be alert to the movements of his body. He was quite convinced that it was only through the five senses of the body that we could get in touch with the heart.

It was the preponderance with the heart that made Inigo to observe in the Constitutions of the Society of Jesus that it would not be the letter of law, but the spirit of love/charity, which would be the guiding principle. And he did mean by this. No wonder then that Inigo was often moved to tears when he contemplated divine mysteries, or when he participated at the Eucharistic celebrations, or when he gazed at the sky at night. He was animated by the heart, which is traditionally understood as the seat of love and all affective influences.

Inigo felt that it was God who was the master of us all, and who alone should have direct access to our souls. For this reason, he instructed those giving the Spiritual Exercises not to get between God and the exercitant. The modern world is vary of anything to do with the heart, because it holds that heart is prone to errors and therefore more emphasis had been given to reason and objectivity. It is in this light that the importance Inigo gave to the human heart is both important and significant.

Ignatian Insights 3 : Magis

If there is one very special characteristic, among many, which distinguished Ignatius of Loyola was his insatiable optimism and an inner drive which propelled him to pierce through status quo, to find pastures untrodden. He would not tolerate the good people, he would push them to better people; it is no point in being just good, he might have been telling his companions, they should become better people, after their encounter with the Lord, and that is how they would be able to show their love for the one who called them out of their stagnancy. This had made a lot of difference in the men he formed and sent on a mission.

If we skim through the writings of Ignatius, it would become obvious that he was fond of the comparative degree. Look at the Principle and Foundation of the Spiritual Exercises (23:7), where he already lays emphasis on this comparative ‘more’ : “Rather, we ought to desire and choose only that which is more conducive to the end for which we are created”. This ‘more’ has become one of the characteristic features of the Jesuit mission, where they would not be satisfied with the way things are going, but be always on the look out for doing things in a better way.

In the Kingdom of Christ meditation (91-100) of the Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius again employs this principle of ‘more’ to encourage the exercitant to greater generosity. This is what he observes in the Third Point of the Second Part (97): “Those who desire to show greater devotion and to distinguish themselves in total service to their eternal King and universal Lord, will not only offer their persons for the labour, but go further still.” This shows that Ignatius was not the one who entertained a mediocre, the complacent, but was prepared to push people as far as they could move, without coercing obviously into their personal freedom.

This had become the rallying point for Ignatius in the Spiritual Exercises. In the Second Week, on the very first Contemplation on the Incarnation, he invites the exercitant to ask for the grace (104) : “Here it will be to ask for an interior knowledge of Our Lord, who became human for me, that I may love him more intensely and follow him more closely.” He takes for granted that the exercitant is well disposed towards the Lord and doing his will, but he is also aware that he has to do something more as a proof of his love for the Lord, who became a human person for the sake of the fallen humanity. This ‘more’ obviously is open-ended, and even at the time of our death, we will still be searching for this ‘more’.

It was the insatiable thirst of the human persons which was responsible for the advancement of science and technology; Ignatius wishes us to explore the spiritual world with this notion of ‘magis’, as is so very evident in the motto of the Society of Jesus, which contains the trademark of Ignatius, Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam – For the Greater Glory of God! If everyone sought the glory of God, Ignatius wanted his sons to aim for the greater glory of God, thus going beyond the ordinary. Ignatius was a visionary, a dreamer, whose eyes were fixed on greater things, and that accounts for the many wonderful things that his sons are able to do here and now!

Ignatian Insights 2 : Exercises

The spiritual master Ignatius of Loyola begins his handbook for retreat directors called the Spiritual Exercises with an introductory note, explaining the word ‘spiritual exercises’: “By the term Spiritual Exercises we mean every method of examination fo conscience, meditation, contemplation, vocal or mental prayer and other spiritual activities, …” (SpEx 1:2). To look at the spiritual activities as ‘exercises’ was a novel idea that Ignatius introduced in the spiritual sphere. One would not think of the term used in the spiritual sphere, because we would like to take it for granted that the matters relating to our spiritual life is determined by God.

Ignatius further explains the word ‘exercise’ : “For, just as taking a walk, traveling on foot, and running are physical exercises, so is the name spiritual exercises given to any means of preparing and disposing our soul to rid itself of all its disordered affections and then, after their removal, of seeking and finding God’s will in the ordering of our life for the salvation of our soul” (SpEx 1:3-4). Ignatius summarises the whole book in this one sentence, and gives the gist in a nutshell, but in order to understand what he really means by the spiritual exercises, we will have to dissect this sentence and cull out the salient features.

First of all, just as our bodies require exercises to keep them fit, so also our spirits require exercises to keep them ablaze with love and happiness. Thus this exercises demand something from us, which will contribute to the overall wellbeing of our selves. However these are not the kind of exercises which put a strain on the body or the soul, but are simple tools to look at what we are, who we are, and how our existence on earth is related to others and to God… We shall constantly move from ourselves to our neighbours and ultimately to God. It is only through these kind of exercises that we will be able to bring peace and harmony within the soul.

Secondly, anyone who thinks that s/he will be able to come closer to himself/herself, to nature, to neighbours and to God would be only cheating, because it is only through a disciplined life that we can reach out to others. This implies that the exercises need to be done constantly, and not once in a while; therefore certain amount of regularity in the exercises is desirable, and if not the prayers or other pieties, one is recommended to do at least the examination of consciousness twice a day, since that is the review of life for that day, which will tell us where we are going.

Thirdly, it would be arrogant on our part to think that only the exercises recommended by Ignatius of Loyola can really take us to our inner selves, to our neighbours and to God; there are several ways to achieve this goal, and all the ways maybe equally good. It does not much matter which way we are choosing, provided we are sure to reach the goal without much difficulty. Contemplating the life of Christ can give us the much needed inner boost and strength to face the world courageously, but we can as well reach God through Yoga, especially karma yoga and bhakti yoga. We need to discern which way will take us to God in a surer way, that is where Ignatius begins his exercises.

Preaching through Life

It is one thing to know and another thing to really feel it in our bones. Facts do not touch us, except when they come to give us the much needed jolt or shock. It is like everyone knows that smoking is injurious to health, but one does not care for the statutory warning by the government until the physician tells the person after a mild attack that if he does not give up smoking, he would have just a few more months to live. The person had known the facts, but it was only the shock that would refrain him from resorting to the next cigarette. So many things in life are based on this simple notion that we are not touched by facts, but wait for a jolt which would wake us out of the slumber.

It is so easy to talk about something, but when it comes to cross checking what we talk with what we do, it might make us ashamed. Today as I walked back home after the Mass at the Cloistered Carmel Convent, the regular couple I see often during the Mass were returning home. I slowed down my walk to say hello to them, and after the greetings, the lady asked me if the new practices of liturgical rubrics are in vogue or not, and I told her quite confidently that they were. Then she asked me, Why are the people not following them still, and I was trying to evade her question saying that the people have not been adequately informed about the changes.

In my enthusiasm, I told her that it is the duty of the pastors to educate the people and invite them to follow the new rubrics. She was sharp enough to ask me immediately, in that case, why didn’t you tell the people today, and I did not know what to say. I did not realize that she would put that embarrassing question to me. Then she pleaded, please inform them during the Mass! It came as an eye-opener for me to realize that quite often I do not realize what I preach to others, and needless to say, I do not care to practice much of what I preach, and it is a sad thing, and I hope to do something about this at least in the days to come.

There is a little hole in my authenticity, that is to say there is an incongruity between what I preach to others and what I practice in my person life. It is true that when I preach, I do it as a servant of God, while when I practice, I do it as an individual. There is a difference in the two roles I constantly play, however it is the same person. I am sure there would be more people who would be moved to practice not what I preach, but what I practice in my own life. The greatest scripture I can preach to others is my personal life, how God is acting in me and through me, and how I find him in others, in nature and in the universe. I can preach so well with my life, and not necessarily by my words.

Maybe it is time that I reduce my preaching in words and begin to preach through my life; I know it is not that easy to do, because I need to learn some of the basics all over again. I need to look at what I had been advocating to others, so that I myself my inculcate some of the values. For instance, I have been quite good in giving advice to those in trouble and difficulty, while I have not realized that I myself had been in such a situation many a times, and had not felt the need to seek help and assistance. I need to get down from the pulpit and stand in the midst of people who are struggling to make meaning out of my words, and I shall find some meaning in them for myself, so that they may inspire others too!

Art of Saying No Gracefully

I know many of us suffer from this weakness: unable to say no someone dear to us! We are pushed to resorting to pleasing others, at the extent of displeasing ourselves, all because we do not have the guts to call cards. One thing which is at the back of our mind, when we force ourselves to oblige is the fear of losing the goodwill that we enjoy with these people. At the other side of the spectrum is the consciousness of our own reputation: what will s/he think if I do not oblige? Ultimately we end up pleasing others, while deep within displeasing ourselves, which may in the long run become a compulsive syndrome difficult to placate.

We need to master the difficult art of saying no gracefully! Here the words art and gracefully are significant. Since it is an art, it needs to be cultivated; we are not born with the rudiments of this art, but we need to learn through the hard way. Saying ‘no’ rudely or indifferently will have its severe consequences, and therefore we should employ the best of our smile, choicest gentle and polite words, and harken the best tonal quality to convey this stern no! It is on how we say this no, which will determine if it will have dire consequences, or happy conclusions to one of the problems which had been pricking our conscience for long.

When it comes to inter personal relationships, we are all too frightened about others; we do not wish to challenge others, because we feel that if we do, others may forsake us, and we will be left without friends. Therefore we would go all the way to compromise! And if our friends can make out that we have begun to compromise, they are sure to make use of it for their own advantage, and we may be left to drown ourselves in misery and fear. But the fact is not all the people who receive a gentle ‘no’ will feel offended; they may even feel happy that we had the courage to say no so gracefully. In this case, instead of the relationship remaining status quo, it may grow into a healthy relationship.

But we cannot over rule the consequences, if for some reason or other our gracefulness does not make the magic! A person or two may be offended and may even burst out in public, and this is part of the deal, in being authentic to ourselves. Which one would we prefer: trying to please others even while going against our wish, or to please ourselves without displeasing others. The dire consequences, if there be any, may not last long, and people may come back to us, when they realize that we were not in a position to entertain their request at the time they required. But that may take some time, and we may have to practice patience till then.

There are very few people who have really mastered this difficult art, and I have come across people who would refuse a favour so sweetly that I would not mind that at all, and again when I need something to be done by them, I would not hesitate to approach them. We all need to practice this art, because it would come to our aid at any time, especially when we are to work under a senior person, who would demand things which we may not be in a position to fulfil. We will be able to find and retain more friends by mastering this art, if only we know how to do it. There is no short cut to learning this art; we may have to start practising smiling sweetly; maybe a mirror may help us to accomplish. The second thing that can help is a set of sweet words. That will do to start mastering this art of saying no gracefully.

Ignatian Insights 1 : Attachments

It was a beautiful realization to think that the most precious things in life are hard-earned; I can think of the most precious things in life, be it things or persons or even notions, and each one of them would tell a fascinating story. The paradox is that these hard-earned things and persons are so dear to us that parting with them becomes an ordeal, and invariably at several moments in life we are called to “sacrifice” them for a greater good, even if that is only in the level of concept and notion, and not a reality altogether. Sometimes our hands and feet are tied, and we are left with no other option than give them up, and it is painful to let them go.

Another sweet-n-sour realization is that there is further joy in letting something I had kept close to my heart for years to go; the initial pain would linger in my heart for quite a while, and it may take away my sleep, but I know at the end I had the generosity to let this thing go, or let this person walk out of my life freely. One of the greatest maladies of this age is excessive attachment to things and persons, and that causes much of the misery, pain and suffering. Those who are able to give up hard-earned things and persons, enjoy greater peace and happiness in life, and I have seen this in the life of some of the people I had lived with.

Ignatius of Loyola was not only a great spiritual master, who taught us the language of learning about the heart, but also taught us some of the most wonderful psychological insights which had taken several centuries to really form and become theories. He was quite clear when he held that we cannot arrive at an impartial decision, unless we begin clearing ourselves from all forms of inordinate attachments. For those who are tied to attachments and yet wish to move forward, Ignatius has given them a way of getting out of this web : agere contra (to act against) is one way, to desire and pray for the contrary to what I am attached to.

We can hardly think of attachment as something which can have negative effect on us; we take it for granted that our “security” is in having people close to us, things which can give us the kind of pleasure that we see. It might take us some guts to realize that the very things and persons we think as giving us security may become obstacles in realizing the “freedom” of God’s children. It is wrong to think that all things and persons we are attached to may prevent us from realizing our inner freedom to move with the Spirit, where she wills, but the word we need to underline is “inordinate” or “disorderly”, which can stifle our freedom and spontaneity.

But is it ever possible to live a life without being attached to things, persons and ideas? Humanly speaking it is impossible; but we need not worry about all kinds of attachments; there are attachments which may free us to greater things. For instance attachment to certain values can take us a long way in being witness to the Kingdom; but when these attachments become obsessions, we may be treading on a tight rope, and the danger of falling from grace is more. The best way to check our attachments is this : If I am able to give it up without feeling bad or sad, then I am safe; the attachments which bind me and delimit my freedom, may cause more harm to me than good.

Pinch of the Purse

As I awaited my turn at the dental clinic, I could see before me a simple-looking gentleman, turning the pages of a sophisticated magazine ‘People’, and from the way he was turning the pages, it was quite obvious that he didn’t know how to read English. After a little while, it was his turn, and the dentist did a quick check on his teeth, and told him that one of his teeth needs to be extracted, and the gentleman asked her quite casually how much it would cost, and she replied in a matter of fact tone, rupees twelve hundred. Probably the amount was far beyond his imagination, and he asked her if it could be less, and the young lady dentist retorted that she could not reduce the amount, since the extraction involved a lot of work.

But the man could not take her words as final, and went on arguing with her that the amount was far too much for him to bear, since he was poor. The dentist would not listen to his pleas: ‘If you want to get it done, you are welcome’. She was obviously getting annoyed with him, but looking at the situation, I felt sad for this gentleman. She had prescribed some antibiotics to be taken three days before he wishes the extraction to be done. He had given her hints that he had to first of all collect the money, then only could he visit the clinic. This gentleman might be earning some three thousand rupees per month, and if he has to cough out one third of his livelihood to pull out a tooth is too much for him.

The same is true for most of the people around us, and I most often take it for granted that most people around me cannot afford to avail the sophisticated clinical facilities, and super speciality health care facilities available today. It seldom occurs me to bargain the rates when I feel that I am being charged far more than the just charges; I take it for granted that the charges, especially consultation fees with physicians, are non-negotiable. The fact is there are very few physicians and health care assistants, who decide to demand only a just fees from the patients; human greed knows no bounds, and if the doctors don’t have any shame to demand as much as they want, why can’t I tell them how much I can really pay.

In a cultured society such as ours (was there ever an uncultured society in the world?), to bargain is considered a mean job; gentlemen and ladies of decent origin are not expected to bargain, however high the charges are; it is considered impolite among the affluent, and that is the reason why some of the sophisticated shops and eateries would not mind putting the prices of things ten times more, and would be sure that no one would challenge the price. But to bargain and pay only what is due is the birth right of not only every poor, but also of every individual. It is painful for those who had to sweat out to earn a living, to pour out the fruits of their sweat and blood in the hands of some greedy men and women.

When I accompany some of my friends for shopping or some purchase, I feel it annoying if they do not even make an effort to bargain the prices, at least wherever it is possible. There are many who do not mind paying whatever they are asked, because we have not earned the money, or that someone else had laboured to earn the money. Our purses do not pinch us, and unfortunately most of the people around us have a hole in their pockets, and money does not stay with them. I would like to see my purse always pinching me, because that is how I can truly stand in the company of the millions of other men and women around me, and experience solidarity with them.

‘M only Human

Sometimes I shudder to think how ‘human’ I am, that I am all too vulnerable! The image that often crosses my mind is a dry leaf caught in a whirlwind, unable to find its way, but being tossed by forces from all sides; it may have to land in a place it would have least desired, and all its dreams and aspirations would have gone awry. It is true, as a human person, endowed with reason, I am able to stir my life to a certain extent, but more than that I am but a fry in the limitless ocean, and my words and actions can make too little difference in the world I live and have my being. To realize that I am a limited being in the midst of limitless universe, is too frightening.

But that is what reality is, and I have no other alternative than to accept this fact, that I am incapable of changing most of myself, what I am and what I have been taught, and what I carry with me 24x7. Sometimes I wish I have been endowed with limitless powers to control the forces which make me dance according to their tunes, but I am frightened that it would only mean that there would be anarchy all around me, if that same limitless power is given to all those who wish to control my existence, my being and my life in this universe. Ultimately I have to accept my limitations, vulnerabilities and live with them happily.

There were times when I would think of changing one particular aspect of my personality, do my best to practice asceticism or self-control in order to discipline myself; but now I realize that all those had been mere eye-wash; I change too little even after several self-conscious attempts. I am reminded of that beautiful story of a jackal which fell on a bucket full of water-color, and went around claiming himself to be the king of the forest, and all others believed him, until one rainy day he got wet and all the color disappear, and he had to acknowledge his true self. That is what happens often with me, and it would not take too long for my true color to appear.

From my younger days, I had been taught to consider myself as a strong person with strong inclinations and habits, with a capacity to design my own life as I desire. There had been deliberate attempts to undermine the ‘human’ aspect in me, and there were some who considered that to accept one’s own vulnerability is to give in to them. They would not permit me to acknowledge my weaknesses, but I realize as I grow that one area of blessedness opens only when I see my own weaknesses, my own vulnerabilities, or to use an idiomatic expression, when I see my own nakedness. I am no different from the rest of humanity, and I do not need to put up a face to show that I am better than the rest, I feel comfortable being one among the weak humanity.

I can be conscious of my weaknesses, and yet be on the alert not to give in to them whenever they assail me. To know that I am a sinner does not make me truly a sinner, but when I allow myself to sinful action, words and thoughts, then they do make me truly a sinner. The same can be applied for my weaknesses and vulnerabilities too. My weaknesses do not necessarily make me weak; I can put up a fierce battle even with all my weaknesses, but when I give in to my base nature and indulge in things which make me dehuman or subhuman, then I become weak, and they can gradually lead me to meet my nemesis. But so long I am on my guard, safeguarding my weaknesses from being assaulted, then I can be sure that I can retain my sanity, come what may!