Lords of my Life

We do not want anyone to lord over us, and that is the most insulting and humiliating thing that we can think of. Even when we work in an office as a subsidiary to someone else, we feel that she should be treated with dignity and honor, that befits every human person. Just because I am subordinate to someone else, does not necessarily mean that this person can treat me as s/he wants. When my dignity and honor are in stake, I may find ways of getting out of such situation, unless I am ready to face all humiliation and dishonor in order to cling to the job. Sometimes it is a question of survival vis-à-vis living with dignity.

If that is the case with most of us, when it comes to handling problems, difficulties and challenges, especially related to human relations, we often tend to let others take full control over us. In other words, we joyfully and unconditionally hand over the key to our inner self to others, and when they begin to control us, we feel bad for dancing according to their tunes. Most often we tend to behave according to the expectations of others, and that is the reason why it is so very easy to make us happy or unhappy. Others know what can make us tickly with joy, and what can bring tears in our eyes, and they would make use of this formula wisely in order to get the maximum out of us.

My proposition in the above paragraphs may have remained still a riddle; let me put it across plainly. I have realized that I take the words, behaviors and response of people towards me so very seriously, that everything they say or do to me affects me, positively or negatively. I could check for myself: how easy it is to make me float in the clouds of happiness; a few words of appreciation or flattery is all that is required. Or how easy it is to make my blood boil – a few words of contempt, of indifference, or insult. In either case, I have given the key to my secret inner self to others, and they can make me either happy or sad, as they wish, and they are absolutely sure I would respond to them as expected. Is it not a sad situation?

In such circumstances, our life becomes just a monkey play; if the keeper were to tell me something, I would do it promptly. If he asks me to jump, I would do; if he asks me to kick him, I would do, without thinking if I should really do what he tells me. But is it possible for me to respond differently? Of course I can, and there is not a single soul on earth who can question me why I responded differently. It is all a matter of re-programming my mind, so that when I get impulses which can either make me happy or sad, I tell myself that I would not be carried away by the impulses. Giving in to either of the impulses can lead me to doom, and I can find hundreds of examples for this.

Ultimately what would I want to do? I should not allow anyone to control me, through prompting a particular kind of impulses. It would be safe for me to defy their impulses and be what I am, and what I wish to be. In other words I should not be easily carried away by the words and actions of others; they may say whatever they may wish to, but I can still decide to take it or not, and to be moved by it or not. This is the situation when I truly become a spiritual person, not disturbed by praise or blame, and Bhagavad Gita would say that such are the persons dear to the Lord. When I do not allow myself to be touched and controlled by what others say and do, then I hold the key to my inner self, and am truly the master/mistress of my soul, and that is when I truly begin to live my life.

Engineered Expectations

How I wish the world was behaving exactly I wish it to; and how delighted I would be if all the people around me do exactly what I would want them to! There is a hidden “I” in each one of us, who wishes to assert that s/he is the center of the universe, and that everything should go round her/him. When things do not go according to my calculations, then I feel my world crumble before my very eyes, and I am frightened of facing it. It is painful and agonizing to witness my expectations are thrown into pieces and I am nowhere in the picture. When I expect that the world goes round me, and I do not find the world is nowhere close to me, it is a frightening thing to even imagine, leave alone facing it taking place before my naked eyes.

But this is a predicament that everyone has to go through, and no one may be spared from facing the dreams, aspirations and expectations evaporating into thin air. The superior I in me would always assert that s/he is right, whatever be the case, and I can find the truth factor of this statement, if I observe how I argue with a friend or companion. What is the goal of any argument – to win; but it is not merely to win, but to win OVER the other person. If two parties win in a competition, then there is less joy, than when one party wins and the other loses. Psychologically I feel great when I am able to throw down someone either through reason or by muscle power. And when I am defeated by others, my world shrinks, and is even on the verge of disappearing.

We shall have a thousand and one reasons to blame the whole world around me, and in most of the cases we may even be justified, and there may be many others who would think that our remarks are based on facts. We may have just expectations, and common sense might not prevail in many cases, and we may be left in dark. We may have to live with people who take things for granted, and do not even behave as a human person, and we may be wounded on seeing how such persons treat and respond to us. They can become a real pain in the neck, and we may find ways of either getting round the problem and make life miserable for the person, or not permit the person make our life miserable.

It is not always possible for me to make the other person aware of the kind of harm s/he is creating to me, and on many occasions the person may not even be in a position to respond to my allegations. I should understand that I do not have the pill for the ills of the world; I cannot change the way my companion behaves, which annoys and irritates me. Even if I take courage to explain to him/her that his/her actions hurt me, there are little chances that s/he will take it seriously and do the needful to accommodate me. But just because the other person is not going to buy my views or change the color glasses s/he is wearing, I cannot stop living my life!

Today I would like to ask myself, how many times have I dared to doubt my expectations? Not all of my expectations can be easily justified; if I were to scratch most of my expectations, I may find that they put a lot of demands on the people around me. I become the judge, who determines how others should relate and respond to me. If only I become suspicious of most of my expectations from others, then there would be less reasons for me to get annoyed with them. That would also open new windows, which would remind me constantly that just as I have expectations on others, others too could have similar kind of expectations on me, and do I pause to note their expectations?

Dangerous Drive

After completing my work, I was returning by bus. I took the first bus that I came across, and it was a private one. All that I was concerned was to reach the city as soon as possible. The bus would have gone for some 15 mintues, when I heard a lot of people who sat next to the windows make a noise. The driver of the bus continued to drive, until he was stopped by two bikists who stopped him by force. I was not keen on knowing what had happened, but after a little while, when most of the passengers had got down, I too got down to see what had happened.

What I saw at the side of the road, was not a pleasant sight. A rickshaw van with four cement pipes had been overturned, and one of the pipes had been broken. The driver of the rickshaw who had stood at a distance, was making a lot of noise against the driver of the bus, who deliberately failed to notice the van parked at the side. The van driver was merely carrying the pipes to some other place, and if he got the pipes broken, it would be his responsibility, and it would be beyond his capacity to restore the pipe. That was the problem.

The rickshaw driver pleaded with the bus driver that he restored the amount to purchase a new cement pipe, and claimed it would cost rupees two thousand and five hundred only, which for me was a far-fetched figure. So, the rickshaw driver had gone to bring the owner of he pipes, so that he could negotiate the price of the pipe. But one thing was sure, the bus driver and his helpers put all the blame on the rickshaw driver, saying that it was his mistake to park the rickshaw at the side of a highway. Luckily the rickshaw driver had a few genuine good people of the locality, who were speaking for him.

I was wondering what would have happened if the local bikers were not there to stop the bus forcefully; the poor rickshaw driver would have been forced to cough out the amount which the owner of the pipe would have demanded. Sometimes providence works in such a way that the voiceless and the last, least and lost have someone to fight for them; I tend to believe that God sends people with good hearts to take up the cases of the poor and the helpless. But unfortunately the educated and the learned would be the last ones to take up these cases and fight for them.

Even as I stood as a mute spectator, looking at blatant injustice taking shape before my very eyes, I did not have the guts to speak for the helpless victim of injustice, the rickshaw driver. How easily have I missed an opportunity, where I could have very easily exhibited my humanity! I had deliberately kept myself at arms length, so that my hadns would not be dirtied; but I would like to think of the hundreds of people who dirty their hands everyday, so that I may have a comfortable life. Next time when such an opportunity knocks at my door, I hope to at least listen the the voice and then learn to respond to it positively!

Closer to the Kindred Spirit

For the past two years, we had been seriously contemplating about kidney transplant for one of our brothers, who lost both his kidneys, and now is on dialysis twice a week. He was in the South, hoping to get a kidney transplant, but when everything was ready, and his papers went to the medical council of the district, a customary procedure in any state, his application was rejected. Therefore he had to be brought to our place, and we had been contemplating what we could do, keeping in mind our moral, legal and ethical standards, without impinging on the law of the land. But we have realized that it is not easy to do this.

We were lucky to have several medical practitioners to give us ideas about what we could do; in fact having so many doctors to advise and propose to us, has been one of the drawbacks of the entire process, which had been getting delayed, when we wished to explore every avenue that different doctors proposed to us. Requesting a kidney donation from a non-relative donor had been a shady area which we wanted to avoid from the beginning; but looking at the situation of our companion needing a kidney, we have no other option than to explore other ways of getting a kidney for him from the non-relative category, and he has a lady, wife of his brother’s friend, who is ready to donate one of her kidneys.

What we do not wish to do is : endanger the life of a person, in order to save the life of one of our companions. Medical practitioners have said that a healthy person can easily donate one of his/her kidneys, and generally the lone kidney would start functioning for the two, and there should not be any problem. But what if later in life, the person experiences problem with the kidney? That is a remote possibility, but we cannot brush it aside altogether. We were also wondering, if one of our companions not donate a kidney for this ailing companion! That would be more in keeping with the fellowship we share in common, but would that take shape?

I could see that the companion who is in dire need of a kidney is frantically looking forward to a transplant, so that he could drink water normally, and work and keep himself as a normal person would. Sometimes he talks to me in such pathetic voice that I cannot be indifferent to him. At the same time, this is not an issue which can be plunged into without calculating the risk factors, the repercussions, because here it is not an individual who is involved, but an institution. We are required to tread slowly and steadily, so that we do not do anything which may jeopardize our work and mission. But not everyone would look at this angle.

Moral and ethical issues cannot be left out, while considering a non-relative donor; the law of the land had been made stringent, so that a poor person is not led to sell his/her organs for money, though such things happen throughout the country. Our companion did admit that in the South, it was such a case, where an agent was given Rupees two lacs, hoping that his candidate’s kidney would fit, and he would get another two lacs at the end of the transplant. I was told that the donor would get a minimum amount. Whether we like it or not, organ donation is a lucrative business, where innocent poor are victims and even the law is not able to stop it. The question that I feel we should ask ourselves is, whether we should allow ourselves to buy the life of a poor person, badly in need of money?

The Surprise Visitor

I could not believe when it started to drizzle in the evening, as we sat for supper; initially I thought it was the bustle of the branches of the trees, but later with the patter, I knew it was rain. Even as I went for my customary evening walk, I could not make out it might rain. The five minutes of patter had left the ground wet, though it was far from being soaked. But in the middle of the night, I could hear the rain, and the cool breeze from my window was spreading a chill sheet. It was wonderful to welcome the surprise guest after so many weeks and months. I know the earth was waiting for the guest more than me.

As I walked early in the morning along the road, soaked with the rain, there was a heavenly scent; the smell of the earth is something that can fill one’s heart. The freshness which the rains can give to the earth is something that is hard for us to create for ourselves. The trees which had been preparing themselves for a fresh coat of leaves, found it opportune to shed their leaves, and the roads were full of pale leaves, and all that I could see were naked trees, stripped of their clothes, and bathing joyously on the waters from heaven. Sure the trees hardly get chance to strip themselves before bathing in the rain.

The sun has not shown his face yet, and the clouds are having a free run in the endless sky. The birds have their time, after being bathed in the fresh waters… how often do they get that free bathing, mother nature bathing her innumerable children all at once! She knows for sure when her children need a bath. I can see a pair of crows struggling to build a nest at the tree just outside my window, and what a surprise for me to see one of them with his/her one foot chopped off, and finding it hard to stand on a branch, and still s/he is there every day to add to the nest that the couple is making. May nature bless their efforts.

I love a cloudy weather, and more a rainy day. To gaze at rain drops falling from heaven is a wonderful experience; sometimes I love to be drenched by these waters, the nectar of the gods. God’s free gift to the whole of creation, and everyone has a share in it, without any distinction of color or caste or creed. I would love to welcome this surprise visitor, and everyone on earth should be happy to have a closer touch with him/her. The gentle touch of the rain is sure to soothe even the most troubled of hearts, and wipe away every tear from the eyes of those who have no more tears to shed. But as I contemplate this great mystery, the rains, my mind goes to somewhere else.

The human beings are notorious in making the entire universe cry with pain and agony; we have put our venomous hands on everything that we saw and found them beautiful; the forests, mountains, the seas and the rivers – we have not spared any part of the universe, and have emptied the natural resources of the universe in order to fill our barns and bellies. Is the universe today shedding bitter tears at the plight of her creation? Her tears are our life blood, and we need to keep her crying in order to let our fields turn green. Today I look up to the heavens, those pregnant clouds, and fold my hands with respect and reverence, and plead that they overlook our crimes and selfishness, and let the earth have her share of rains in plenty!

On 'Fast' Track

The lent is round the corner, and there are many who have begun their serious preparations to make the best out of this season of grace. There are some who would do the most ostentatious and outrageous penance for their sins, and some would go to the extent of mortifying themselves foregoing meals, rest, little pleasures of the world in order to feel one with the suffering Christ. It is hard to say where one should stop in these endless pieties and what would be more pleasing to the Lord than these external pieties, which sometimes may not have much congruence with the interior lives of persons.

It is possible to turn all one’s pieties and noble actions to religious intentions and orientations; for instance, skipping a meal (generally the breakfast for some, and for some others both breakfast and supper) is considered as a mark of mortifying one’s body, not yielding to the pleasures of the physical body. The Muslims are known to do the strict fast for 40 days, fasting from sunrise to sun set and I could see some of the Muslim friends and service persons, worn out by middle of the day. Are these pieties voluntary? There is greater danger if they are institutionalized and one feels obliged to practice it, even if s/he has no inclination to it.

It is understood that there are better ways of mortifying oneself, rather than depriving the body of the essential nutrients and sustenance to carry out our responsibilities. I have seen some of my friends, who would fast every day of Lent, but would not have enough strength to do some of the works which may be expected of them. I have realized that if these pieties, which are merely means, become ends in themselves, then they cease to have the meaning and significance they once had. Any piety which does not help a person to live an authentic transformative life, then it is not worth.

I was told that fasting is one of the most common religious austerities that many of the religions of the world recommend to their people. As the people mortify their bodies, their souls are expected to rise above the material world, into a world that brings them together as brothers and sisters of one Father. I have seen my mother fasting every Friday of the year, and even when there are Liturgical festivities, such as Christmas or birthday of a family member, she would still keep the fast. I had tried to explain to her the meaning and significance of fast and still she would not give it up; it is for her a serious act, and it cannot be given up under any circumstances.

We all care for our bodies more than they really deserve. There are people who are too finicky about the care for their bodies, that they would go to ridiculous extent to make sure they present their bodies as if it is a treasure they cannot touch. I remember one of my younger friends, who while undergoing training to become a Jesuit, would rush to the wash basin to wash his hands after every five minutes of the 30 minutes of manual work. He would be spending half his work time, washing his hands, because he could not tolerate dirt and mud on his hand. But if only we realize that the body is but soil, and soil is our body, then we would treat our bodies differently. Yet, there is a spirituality which places the human body as a temple of the Spirit, and that is an altogether different realm.

Daring to Cross Boundaries

I have great regards and appreciation for those who cross boundaries – cultural, religious, national, linguistic and ideological, to name a few. For me these are people who are worthy of our praise, because they have crossed the barriers which often keep us within a particular culture, religion or nation, and it would take quite a bit of courage and guts to cross over to the other side. But in this case, the other side is not always proverbial greener part, but the one which invites to fight continuously against the very group of people one belongs to, and that is not always pleasant, as the story of Mahabharata tells us. To fight against one’s own people is the most painful of all battles.

I had decided to join the wedding dinner of this staff of our social center, not because he is known to me intimately or that his family is well-known to me. The main reason I wanted to go and wish the couple is because the couple are starting their life together with a different note. It is not the normal note that all songs begin. I was not aware of the story of this wedding, until one of my young companions today narrated me over the lunch table, and since then my appreciation for the bridegroom has increased manifold. Has he done anything heroic, worthy of such praise? To my mind he mind have done something praise worthy, but for him it might not.

To decide to marry a girl/woman who is already married and separated, for whatsoever reason it may be, one needs to have a lot of courage and determination. At the age of 32, this young man is already fighting a big battle with poverty and privation; with difficulty his mother had managed to get his elder sister married off, and they had to wait for another two years to collect some more money to organize the wedding of this young man, who but gets a meager salary, and his mother is still paid a lump sum amount for looking after our sick and senior fathers. But it is not easy to manage a family with the salary of the mother and son, and at this juncture is the marriage arranged.

Some years ago, when both the boy and the girl joined our social centre for work, they used to tease each other. It is said that the marriage of the girl, at the age of 18, broke soon after because her husband was found to be impotent, and when they were preparing to get separated, her present husband used to tease her that she had married an impotent. But teasing might have soon become a feeling of empathy for her, and later flowered into love. I believe no one can marry another out of sympathy, not even for a higher cause; that would only defeat the very purpose of marriage. I would take my hats off to both of them that their love could travel so far.

But crossing boundaries? The boy is originally a Tamil, and the girl a Bengali; the boy is Catholic and the girl traditional Hindu; the boy is at home with Hindi, while the girl in Bengali. But I believe that true love can break all boundaries; after all, love knows no language, and that is the reason why event the blind, deaf and dumb can love others and experience the love of others. I know one thing for sure, that the more the boundaries one crosses in life, the better will be the joy and happiness in reserve for him/her. Crossing boundaries also makes one strong to face any future challenge and difficulty. Such people are often courageous persons, who do not easily shy away from facing difficulties. Today at the core of my heart, I would like to bless both of them to cross many more boundaries which may come their way to enter into the world of happiness and joy.

Drowning the Doubting Thomas

There is a ‘doubting Thomas’ (dT in short) in each and every one of us, and we inherit this dT at the time of our birth, and in most cases, the dT dies with people. It is only in very rare cases that we are able to give a decent burial to the dT when we are still able to take stock of our lives. But what does this dT do to us, that we have to find ways of bidding him adieu and giving him a burial? Whether we like it or not, as we grow into adolescence, we begin to doubt every second person, and it comes so very naturally to us, and often we may not even be aware of this, because this is taken for granted that we suspect one another. We reach such a situation that we are expected to suspect the people we relate to.

Seldom do we realize how gently we nurture the dT in us, without realizing that this is a Frankenstein who could one day jump on us, to take our life from us. That the dT is a monster, we need no further proof, if we take a good look at the different occasions today we had doubted or suspected the very people we relate to and work with. It is the dT who actually distances us from others, and when the dT is working in me vociferously, then I become quite inactive, and lose all controls over myself, my thinking and even my actions. What is worse is that I even begin to doubt the intentions of people, which is the most uncharitable thing I can think of.

There is neither a season nor a reason for letting the dT take the upper hand; at a time when we least expect the dT pops up, and makes a mess of things. Even the best of friends turn out to be the most deadly foe, the moment when the dT shows up his head. I do not say that most often we doubt people for no reason; sometimes we have all the reason to doubt, and we may be fully justified. But what I am concerned here is not the objective truth of the matter, but how the matter is affecting me. Suspicion can change my relationship with others. When I think that my friend may be having an intimate relationship with another, can cause me sleepless nights and nightmares I may not be able to fight with.

The dT, whom I nurture deep within me is not going to cause any harm to others; he is a self-destructive mechanism, whereby he will slowly kill me and ultimately himself will die. But then is it not proper then that I get rid of him before he gets rid of me. With all probability, my friend may be relating to a friend in a casual way, and it may appear to me as if they are relating in an intimate manner, and I may suspect what she talks to him, what he talks to her, what they think about each other, and the like. As a result the next time I look at my friend, I do not think about the relationship between the two of us, but about the two of them, she and her friend. This may make me envious, sad, and even dejected.

There is a way how I can force the dT to quit my life himself, before I kill him, and it does not require too much guts from my side. I need to develop a counter-dT (let us call this, cdT), who will take care of the dT, and how I do this is simple : every time I become suspicious of a person, I would deliberately in my mind make an effort to think of the reverse. In the beginning it may sound artificial, but it works. For instance if I suspect one of our co-workers of staling our office stationery, I would tell myself that he does not steal the stationary; it may just be the pigment of my imagination or that I am prejudiced against this person. I need to repeat it every time I get the doubt or suspicion. When this is done, the cdT wins and the dT runs away, and soon I may find no more dT, and will realize that life is quite different in the absence of the dT, and I am able to relate to all the people in a better way, and do not feel intimidated by others, or I feel like intimidating others. Relationships then become a joy for me.

Salvaging the Self-Image

It is not easy to own up my mistakes, weaknesses and failures! Even when I want to acknowledge before others that I was wrong, there is the inner self, which threatens me with dire consequences. I am afraid of what others would think if I begin to stand before them as a weak person; how others would rate me after they know that I myself have accepted my failures. In a world that lays so much of importance to self-assertion and confidence, will I not be looked upon as a failure? I can hear some of my friends whispering, he does not have the guts to refute the allegations that people level on him, and he thinks he is an “innocent lamb” ready to be slaughtered! But there is a different kind of existence after I begin to take responsibility for my actions.

Initially it was frightening to acknowledge that I was wrong; all along in life, I had been taught to pass the bug on to someone else, and we will always be lucky to get some scapegoats. To acknowledge my weaknesses and failures has been considered a virtue, but was deemed sign of cowardice. As I struggle to rephrase all my self-expressions with this preface – I FEEL…, I experience a different kind of freedom and liberation, which I had not felt before. It is not a heroic thing to own up myself as I am, but it has taken me quite some years to do this. This however does not mean I own up others mistakes and failures too as my own; no, I would not do that. I am prepared to own up only my part of the responsibility.

I have felt the need to break the magnifying glasses I had been using all these years to look at what others are and what they had been doing to me, magnifying them several times, until I found myself subsumed by the gravity of the mistake and failure of others. Even as I stand to joyfully own up my own mistakes, I am not going to give a clean chit to others who deliberately try to play with me, or attempt to take me for granted, or malign my name for no reason. Their action is sure to affect me, but I would like to make my skin a little thicker so that their deliberate action does not affect me directly, and I know that there will come a time when they would have to regret for what they do today.

I am not sure how much I would be able to carry this forward, in acknowledging myself as I am; there may be times when I might give in to finding justifications, rationalizations and passing the blame on to others, especially if they come from persons who are not above or equal to me. I find it hard to accept things easily from persons who are inferior to me in terms of social status, education, knowledge acquisition, to name a few. It may take a few more years for me to really own up myself, even with people who do not directly matter to me. Then perhaps I may be able to accept even the criticism of strangers and outsiders.

Today I take a good look at myself on the mirror; while I know I am not an altogether a saint, I would like to tell myself that I am not a hardcore criminal either. Perhaps some of my failures and wrong doings might merit a punishment which could be quite harsh, but I know there are still areas I need to look into; it is possible that I have not fully broken the magnifying glass, but had kept it safe to look at myself, and I only hope I would not enlarge my natural inclinations and temperaments to such an extent, I might realize I am beyond all redemption. I believe in the basic goodness that has been showered upon every human person, and that ultimately is our saving grace!

The Road not Taken

There is a sense of guilt as I pass by dozens of cars stopping by a prestigious convent school close to our house, to drop girls attending this school. Looking at the cars, one cannot be mistaken that most of the girls of this school come from the “top cream” of the society, and the people who manage the school are proud to educate these students, who might in future take leadership roles in the country! But I would be blatantly wrong if I were to brand only this nuns-run school and spare the schools run by our own congregation in the city! There is an unprecedented rush to admit boys into our school; and the first choice of any well-off parents, business persons, government servants, and political leaders is to seek admission in our school for boys and of counterpart Sisters’ school for girls.

Sometimes I ask myself, is this for which we have been specially called – to educate the rich and the powerful in society, who have all the money and influence to buy the best of education in the country? Where is our preferential option for the poor? I understand we console ourselves saying that we have certain per centage of the seats each year reserved for the economically backward, and certain number of seats for dalits and tribals. But can we justify running school for the most moneyed people in the city, while our special call to be prophetic voices might imply we do something else? I feel deep within, we forget our prophetic voices, or carpet them, and continue to run schools which may bring us both money and good results.

Very few religious congregations dared to close down their first class English medium schools and start vernacular language schools for the children of lower income groups, and for the socially neglected and marginalized groups. There are a hundred and one problems in running schools for the poor, especially in a metropolitan city; the students are sure to become a liability, and the school is bound to incur heavy loss and may even face bankruptcy; there will be uproar among the people who had been availing our generous service all these years; we might get miserable results, and the discipline may be at stake, and the school may become quite unmanageable! These are the fears which inhibit us from taking a positive step forward to look beyond our noses.

It is unfortunate that we do not look at the education of many neglected sectors of the society; say for instance, have we ever thought out the education of the thousands of children living on the roads and slums? The children of rickshaw pullers, the domestic workers, the manual laborers of the corporation who clean our streets, even before we wake up from sleep; the vegetable vendors, the hawkers! If we care for these neglected groups of people, who may never taste the kind of education we impart in our schools. I appreciate the efforts of the convent school closeby, which has given shelter to street children to reside on the terrace of their school, and have made them avail the English medium education to them.

It is a challenging task to close down the top schools that we are running in the heart of the city, but can we not think of opening some other schools where we would reverse the admission criteria? Here are some of the criteria that I would think would make a difference : the parents do not have a house of their own (i.e. living in a one room rented house), the parents have no job security, their combined income is below rupees 5,000 per month (needs to be verified physically), daily laborers, people who do not have an almirah to keep their clothes, and no bank accounts, who do not possess any vehicles, not even a two-wheeler, who go to work even on Sundays, who do not have any savings for future… It is a challenge, but if we cannot accept the challenge, then who will?

Lessons to Learn from Least

I found it hard to believe that Europeans could be so very insensitive, when they come to our country. Unlike we people here in India, who are so very informal, and would love to just walk in unannounced, the Europeans are known to appreciate formality, and yet when it comes to dealing with us, they take many things for granted, and that was one of the things which was annoying me, ever since this team of three Jesuits through a third person announced that they are coming to meet us. They would have booked their flight tickets some three months earlier, but they did not find time to inform us about their program.

I had a taste of how the Europeans behave in Europe, just a year ago, and after a stay for over a month I found, I might not survive if I were to stay in Europe. Life is so very artificial, and there are not much scope for one to be free to be what one wants to be in Europe, or at least that is the kind of feeling I got. You cannot walk into even your best friend's room or office without first making a prior appointment. That is how the society operates over there, and we would like to do things very differently here, and that is what makes all the difference to the people who visit us.

When people, even priests and nuns, visit us from either the United States or the Europe, often they exhibit a sense of superiority over us, our culture, language, though they cannot afford to do it openly and directly. Money power is their major strength, and sometimes they make attempts to purchase our value and cultural system with monetary and charitable help. They also show a sense of condescending over our culture and our people. While they appreciate our culture and rich traditions, they would hesitate to eat what we eat, drink what we drink, an obvious indication of keeping themselves apart.

We are born and brought up in a mortley of cultures and we know how to mingle with people of different cultures, religions and ethnicities. We have no problem to dialogue with people of other languages and cultures; even when we do not know the language of a particular group of people, and yet we know how to communicate. We know how to esteem people, and relate to them on equal footing, without showing any sign of inferiority or superiority, and the Europe and the US have a lot to learn from us, and it might take several centuries for them to first of all acknowledge they have something to learn from the developing nations.

I wish all the people who visit India, especially from the Europe and the US, learn from us the art of hospitality. Atito devobhava - guests are like gods, that is what the Holy Scriptures of our land says, and we mean it, as opposed to the cold, calculated and indifferent attitude of the Europe. We know the art of making homes as opposed to the developed nations, who only know how to make buildings. That is another thing that they can learn from us. In fact, if we start listing all the things they can and need to learn from us, we can fill a library with the lists! This is not an exaggeration, but a notion which only those who have known India can vouch for!

Nursing Naturally

Being in a religious house, I understand, I am spared from much of pain and agony that my family members go through every now and then. After a few days, my father is not well again, and every time when one of the family members falls sick, it becomes a matter of concern for all the members. He had eaten only in the morning, and says he does not feel like eating; there is a sense of nausea, so typical of those who are sick for some days. But the fact that he has not eaten has worried my mother, sister, and niece. Each of them have their own load of worries, and when my father falls sick, all of them are deeply worried, and do what they can to get him alright.

I felt the words of my mother hard to digest; she finds it hard to see my father, who for the most part of his life had been quite healthy, lying down helplessly. My parents are used to fighting constantly, especially when my father goes hiding with his bottle, but at a moment like this, my mother is all caring. I had experienced her care when I was sick many years ago. I might have been some seven years then, but still remember quite clearly how she nursed me and made me healthy. She feels sad that my father is not able to eat, not able to contain himself. My sister had bought a loaf of bread after her school hours, so that he could eat something before going to bed. But he refuses to eat even that.

We become quite different when we are sick, especially when we are down with a relatively major sickness, including malaria, typhoid, pneumonia and the type. On the one hand, we become quite helpless, and require the help and assistance of people around us; on the other we feel sad to bother and disturb others to help us. While we may feel hard to swallow even the liquid food, especially when we lose appetite, others may think that we are just staging. Pretence is the last thing that any sick person would resort to, and what can work wonders is a greater dose of understanding and support to the person who is sick.

Sometimes I feel the importance of having a family, friends and relatives, when I am sick; there were times when my companions in the house did not even know that I was sick, even as I did not join the meals or other common community programs. Loneliness has haunted me at such moments, but I realize this is part of our cross. Some communities are lucky to have such a motherly person as ‘minister’, who would go out of his way to take good care of the members under his care. But such persons are only rare and exceptions. More than at other occasions, we need the love and care of community and companions at the time of our sickness, because those are the moments we feel ourselves so very vulnerable and helpless.

I know one thing for sure, that my father would listen to me, and that is the reason why I spoke to him a few words to encourage him to eat and go to bed. Knowingly or unknowingly we also like the little attention of other family members when we are sick. I remember how one of our senior fathers was so very delighted to have a cup of soup every day, during his 20 days of stay at a nursing home, and I would not be surprised that it was the soup and the loving care of sisters and friends which had restored his health so soon. More than medicine, what is required when we are sick, is the loving care of the companions and friends. This alone can do miracles when we are sick and bring us back to health.

Immortal Missioners

At first glance, this priest may look like a clown, and so his words, but no one can deny that he has great admiration for a late priest, who died on his lap, some 22 years ago, and today he goes around talking about the sanctity of this senior priest, who died of food poisoning at the age of 73. The senior priest was a Jesuit, and he was a pioneer in a remote underdeveloped area of the state, and he was known as a great savior in the area, because he doled out a lot of money to help the otherwise unemployed men and women of the area. He was popular, some say, not because of his goodness and sanctity, but because of his money.

This is one of the major complaints about missionaries, that they made the natives beggars; with all good intentions, they brought money from their nations, and helped people to live a dignified life; but unfortunately it was the more influential and powerful who made use of this foreign money to make the best out of the innocent missionaries. Most often the locals had great regard for the missionaries who doled out a lot of money for them, provided free education for their children, and gave money to them whenever they asked for, and never refused to feed them when they were hungry, and even gave money for their health bills. There are many missionaries, who with all their simplicity, made the local people mere recipients of their generosity.

Today if many of the local priests are having problem with the people, it is because the latter are not in a position to dole out money; many of the facilities, most of them free, provided by the missionaries are to be paid for today, and the people who are used to free services, find something fishy in the administration of the local clergy, who struggle to run the schools and boardings with deficit each month. But the people may not buy their arguments. If the foreign missionaries could do, so can you too, is their arguments. Therefore no wonder that the local people often would prefer a foreign missionary to a local one, and this situation may continue until the locals understand the inner operations.

It is not difficult to win the hearts of the people; many of the political parties in the country make use of money and muscle to win people. If one is able to dole out money, then one can win any number of people for you, and from the very next day people would flock to you, calling you as savior or guide and companion. Many of the people who have benefited out of the free services of missionaries, do acknowledge what they had received, and do join hands with the existing institutions to reach out to the needy people today. The old boys/girls associations therefore are means of great tradition, which can immortalize some memorable men and women.

In the modern times, I had noticed that not all people go after money and muscle. There are many, especially those from the interior countryside of the state, who go beyond these two, and try to look at people for what they are; in other words, these people look at the hearts of the people who come to them to serve. Authenticity and transparency are two great virtues that any one can easily see through; people who live a life which is contrary to what they preach, may soon lose even the few people they might have bought for a price. But the people who had great and large hearts for the people, may remain forever enshrined in their hearts.

Freedom to be

For the last few days, I had been asking myself : What do I seek in a relationship, and value the most? No, it is not the cozy feeling that I am safe and secure in the loving embrace of a friend, who would stand by me in thick and thin, nor the comfortable feeling that when I am down my friend will cheer me up and boost my morale, nor give himself or herself completely in order to reach the goal I had set for myself. All these things are there in a relationship, but I feel deep down what I seek in a relationship is the freedom to be myself, knowing absolutely sure that I would not be intimidated, I would not be rejected for being what I am, or even pooh-poohed because I do not come up to the expectations of the person I am relating to.

It is not that I have been experiencing a smooth sail in all instances of initiating, establishing and going through relationships with different persons down the years; some relationships caught me unawares, because they grew out naturally and spontaneously; there were no exertions, or unnecessary coaxing from either party to make it work. Such were the relationships I knew were going to last longer than the initial euphoria that many of the relationships pose. Sometimes even deeper relationships became bitter, when the sugar-coating was gone, and when we began to step into raw selves, and it was hard for both to come to terms with each other, and make a sincere effort to accept the other as s/he was.

There is a hidden fear in me to be what I am in the company of people who may not wish me to be what I truly am. Often I am expected to dress myself according to the moral code set by the society, according to the high expectations that many in my company have on me, and so ultimately I end up being something or someone other than what I am, and that is a painful experience. I am aware that there are grey areas in me, which the people living around me, and sometimes the people who love and care for me, do not wish to see. The social and cultural taboos cannot be exhibited in public, and there is the child in me who cries out to see the light of day; it may be quite different from what my friends may wish, but that is me, my true self.

I remember occasions when a close friend of mine was shocked to get a glimpse of my true self; oh no! she exclaimed, and at that moment I know this is not what my friend was looking for from me. Just like a turtle which pulls in its head under its hard shell, I have to keep my head under the shell, so that no one can harm me; or if I keep popping up my head outside, I may not know when one or other person would deliberately or inadvertently stamp on me. There were times I had scandalized my friends, because I was trying to be my true self; sometimes my friends advised me to “behave” myself, because I carried an identity which did not permit me to indulge in certain kinds of behavior.

I am getting used to in shocking and scandalizing people by presenting myself as authentically as I am, and sometimes it is too much for my friends to accept, and they may decide to bid goodbye forever, and I may not deliberately wish to hold them back. I do not say that my true friends should accept all the stupid and idiotic things I do, but they are not shocked when I behave in that manner, and make an effort to slowly make me understand the other layers of my actions, which may pain and agonize them. That is the responsibility I look forward to from my friends, to grant me the freedom to be myself, and slowly open the gates of the hidden self and help me embrace it willingly and joyfully!

Why I love you…

The human beings seem to have a reason for everything they do; there is hardly anything that is done by an adult which cannot be easily explained. Most often the children, say below the age of five, do things spontaneously, and if you were to ask them they might say because his/her mother did so, or the father did so. In some other cases, s/he may just shrug, meaning there is no reason. That is the stage of spontaneity; the leaves of a tree will bend towards the direction of the wind, and that is very natural and spontaneous. But if we were to ask a tree why it is bending towards the direction of the wind, it might just shrug.

Reasoning is considered as the sixth sense, which is so very unique to the human beings; but have the animals failed to live a happy and contended life without the sense of reason? They are jolly well happy without the sense of reason, and then why should the human beings be so very obsessed with reason, and in all the fields seek satisfactory reasons for their actions and reactions? If one were to watch some of the programs telecast in the Animal Planet television channel, one would realize that the animals have a sense which is not very common with the human beings : the sense of intuition. The birds of the air know how to protect their eggs from the prying eyes of eagles; the reptiles know how to take care of their young and initiate them to adulthood.

If our lives are often crippled and out of shape, it is because we are overly obsessed with reasons. If there is anything that we do, for which we do not have adequate and satisfactory answer, then we find it hard to do it. We have some major crimes committed, for which the culprits had no reason, and they claim that they did not do the crime consciously. Crimes such as rape, murder, arson are often committed when persons are unaware of their own situation. But in that case, can we take them as criminals, though objectively speaking they had committed the act? For me, it looks there is yet another level of consciousness, where we may find an answer to these kind of questions.

Some of the most profound actions of human persons cannot be explained reasonably. Any attempt to reason them out and explain them in human language may end up in disaster. For instance, why does a mother loves her child, or why should a father give his blood in order to save his son, and in the process give up his life? What makes some people to lay down their lives at the interest of the wider society or humanity? Or why do I love a person wholeheartedly, knowing well that our love may remain to a large extent going beyond time and space? If I begin to explain why I love a person, then I should know that it is not love that I have for that person, for true love cannot be reasoned out or explained. It takes me and the person I love to an altogether different realm, where reason are absurd and obsolete!

True love goes beyond all calculations and measurements; that is why love is often considered an absurdity, and the popular notion that love is blind is a reality! When two persons are in love with each other, they go beyond all reason and season. Recently I heard about the marriage between a beautiful young girl and a polio-affected young man, who had become a cripple. The young woman was determined to marry only this young, much against the wish of her friends and relatives. Such is the absurdity of love, and we know that it is this absurdity which gives meaning and significance to the lives of millions of men and women in this world.

Haiti and After

Going through accounts about how the earthquake brought down the already poor nation Haiti to the ground, I felt a sense of dismay at what the world has made of this poor nation. If Haiti had been branded as “one of the poorest nations” in the world, then who could be held responsible. If there are over 200,000 people have been killed alive within minutes of the earthquake, everyone on earth is responsible for their lives. It is true that the government was literally defunct, and there were no social structures which were working, and to add fuel to the fire, the natural calamity. I was saddened as I read The Tablet cover story on the aftermath of the quake in Haiti.

The international community rushed in aid and personnel to help the people of Haiti to recover from the loss of lives, of all that they had earned for years, but if one per cent of the population had been enjoying 50 per cent of the national wealth, who is responsible? You and me! We are no longer citizens of our own little worlds; the boundaries of our worlds had been broadened by the advent of modern technology. Within a few minutes after any major calamity in any part of the world, we are able to see the victims and hear the cries, as if they were our next door neighbors. It is the speed of communication to transmit information, which has made our world a global village.

One of the greatest obstacles to justice and equality in the world is the stubbornness of the developed countries, alias the First World, to open the floodgates of their wealth to reach the deserving populations of the world. We now know that the excessive wealth of the developed nations does not belong to them, and if they are honest, they would acknowledge that the wealth was ill-gotten. Doing charity or dolling out a pittance is not going to help the poorer nations to come to the level of self-sustenance; what they require is not charity, but sharing on equal terms. The wealthy nations may feel superior to come to the aid of the poor nations; but it is their responsibility to do so.

It is not at all impossible for the United States to commit itself to rebuild the ravished Haiti, and they have all the resources and technology to do so, and the international community would welcome the US if it had come up with such a stand. But unfortunately there would be too few takers for such bold steps, and they would find a hundred and one reasons why they should never do such a thing. The international community is helping Haiti to come to terms with it, to rebuild their houses from the scratch, and deep down no one can remove the constant fear lurking deep within them, if nature would show her wild face again.

But there is a saving grace; the major natural calamities have brought the nations to come together to rub shoulders, to put their heads together to find amicable solutions. Tsunami was one such moment, and today it is Haiti’s earthquake, and that is not the end. Even as we rebuild Haiti, we know something more drastic may take place soon, and the world has to be prepared to face it. If the rich nations are able to feel deep down their bones that the men and women suffering across the borders are their own brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, then there will not be a need to dole out a pittance as charity to help them, they would keep their doors wide open for the poor to enter in, and make it a better place to live in!

Calling on Comparisons

Even before we begin our day, we prepare ourselves for a better tomorrow. We are not contended with the present, or things as they are, but would only look for “better” things to come, even if that remains just a dream. Human mind cannot think of persons or things or events, except in comparisons, and may be that is the reason why we are not able to live the actual people we relate with, actual things that are at our disposal and actual events we go through. Human mind is not satisfied with the status quo, but looks always for a change, which would be better than the one we are presently dealing with. Though this might seem a blessing in disguise, it has its own share of curses as well.

Recently I realized the danger of comparing persons, be they friends, coworkers, or superiors, or even siblings. I favor one of my brothers to two others, because the one I favor had been taken care of by me in his childhood days; I had carried him on my shoulders, fed him, and protected him, when my mother was out in the fields. As a result I had developed a special affinity to him, and today care for him more than the other two brothers, one elder and one younger. I often tend to look at my relationship with this brother in comparison with the other two, and feel quite justified in doing so, even when I know I might be unjustly disfavor my two other brothers and favor this brother.

If there are so much of misunderstanding between siblings, friends, coworkers, lovers and husband and wife, it is most often because we begin to compare one with another, and as one of my friends put it recently, it is like a slap on the cheek! In my family, as soon as we had the second sister-in-law my parents began to compare one with other, and soon began quarrels, misunderstandings. One was favored by my parents, while the other was avoided. Just like me, my parents too had forgotten the basic law of nature that no one on earth likes to be compared to another, especially if it is for downsizing or putting down one. That is bound to lead to misunderstanding, and even break in relationships.

It is true we wish to improve our relationship with others, and want our dear ones to come to our expectations; but when a person gives his/her very best to me, would it be justifiable to expect that person to give like the third person I might have known! Though I am aware of the dangers of comparing one with another, and yet unconsciously I do it all the time. I compare one of my superiors with another, often to say one was better than the other, and what I imply by this is : that the former was worse than the latter. It might not much matter if I make these comparisons to persons who are not involved, but if I have to say the same to even either of the persons involved, it is sure to make things bitter.

We thrive on comparisons, and while we do compare one person with another, what we indirectly mean is that this person has to be like that one; that this person has to fulfill my dreams, aspirations and needs like that of the other, even if I know that this is asking for too much. Here I fail to see what these persons are offering to me, instead I look at what they offer to me in response to my own personal needs and demands. I may be able to do greater justice to relations, if I am able to see what other peoples offer to me per se, without looking at them from my perspective, needs and wants. If this were to happen, then I might realize that there are areas where I may need to do some amount of soul-searching exercise to question what I really expect from these persons, and if I can be justified in doing so. That may be the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

You are the man!

I shudder to think that the words of the prophet Nathan, addressed to King David were in effect addressed to me. The fact is that these words are addressed to every human person, who attempts to keep his/her inner self safely guarded. We know how to camouflage, and change the color of our skins according to the surroundings, very much like chameleon, so that no one suspects we have a dirty self under our skins. Our world may collapse the very moment when one or two inadvertently discovers our inner true self; we immediately struggle to carpet the dirt, and again put a big smile in order to show that everything is fine with us, that nothing is wrong whatsoever.

Fortunately there are too few people in the world who would dare to remove the thick carpet which covers our ugly inner selves. No one can bear the stench that may emanate from our hidden selves, and that is one of the reasons why others do not wish to strip us naked to show to the world who we truly are; the second and more important reason why we are often spared from disclosing our true selves is others are so frightened that if they pull out the carpet from my skin, the next day it may be my turn to remove the carpet from his/her skin, and that would be asking for too much of trouble. Therefore on mutual agreement, we all try to accept and acknowledge the hidden self beneath, yet dare not take a good look at them.

King David was taken aback, when prophet Nathan cornered him; the king could not believe that he himself could be so corrupt. Seeming disbelief is the first reaction of the people who do not wish to disclose their true selves. If they had known their true selves, then they might accept and acknowledge themselves as they are, instead of entering into a fierce battle to bring in rationalization, arguments to prove that the inner self they carry all through, does not belong to them. It demands a lot of guts and courage to acknowledge that we could be wrong, and fragile in some areas, which are nothing to be ashamed of. But transformation could take place the very moment, we accept and acknowledge our true identity.

It is not that we deliberately try to hide our true identity all the time; quite often it could also happen because of our ignorance. I have a inherent tendency to compare my friends has been pointed out to me by one of my friends; so long I had been imagining that I hate to do this kind of comparing, but when others catch me red-handed, as prophet Nathan caught hold of king David, there is very little that can be done to salvage one’s sanity and sanctity. Our friends are the best persons who could help us realize the thickness of the carpet which is covering our true self; they can even help us remove it and show to the world our true selves. It is in fact, part of their responsibility as friends.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have called the inner self as our shadows, and they had gone to the extent of inviting us to embrace our shadows, in order to really give birth to a new self, which can go beyond all the limitations experienced by the inner self. Anyone who attempts to blossom one’s self, without first reconciling to shadows, is bound to experience failure, frustration and depression. Today as I stand at the threshold of yet another significant moment in life, I would like to take a good look at myself; all these years, I had understood my inner self, only a fragment of it; it is just the tip of an iceberg and I have so much to learn about me, and I really wonder if I would be able to truly understand myself before I breathe my last.

Lonely Birds!

I dare not think about the life of a priest in a lonely parish, as is the case with many interior missions; due to the lack of priests, these men are to live alone, all by themselves, with no companion to share life in common, as is the case with any religious congregation. I also feel how they would be haunted by loneliness, and the need for a companion, with whom they could pour out their pains and agonies, joys and ecstasies. The priests are to face more loneliness if they do not get along well with the community of believers they serve; if the people turn hostile, their plight is doubled.

One of the ways how these priests attempt to overcome this sense of loneliness, is by having friends near and far, with whom they could share life through modern means of communication. I would not be surprised if the persons living alone in a remote village, has a fat telephone bill; it is his need, and that is a survival mechanism. There are also some others who try to overcome loneliness through some unhealthy practices; some develop obsessive compulsion to gluttony, some to watching films, some to sleeping. For them, to kill time is a major preoccupation.

I had been taught in my younger days that one of the best ways of overcoming loneliness is to develop a healthy hobby, on which I can fall back, whenever I feel down and forelorn. Alas for those who have not develped some healthy habits, they would find it hard to spend time usefully. I know some of my friends who know how to make use of their free time, especially when they are alone. Some write poems, some compose music, some do wonderful gardening, and all of these are profitable not only at the personal level, but also benefit the wider society. Anyone who foresees a lonely life in future should start preparing to face it already at the younger age.

But it would be wrong to think that only the diocesan priests most often feel lonely; their situations may force them to such a situation; even persons living in big communities may experience certain amount of loneliness, especially when there is no one to spoon-feed them every time. Some feel "left out", when there is no one to take good care of them; they like to be invited for meals, invited for dinner outside, or taken for an icecream. During the personal free time, some may fine it hard to while away the time. That is why gossiping is a major timepass in many religious communities.

If a person does not take care to overcome loneliness already at the early stage, then it could become a matter of major concern, because it is bound to lead to some other unhealthy social practices. What can I do in order to overcome loneliness? The best way is, to give company to the persons who feel and experience loneliness around me; for when I feel lonely, they are sure to reach out to me, and share their valuable time and energy. It is only by reaching out to one another that we can create a world where we can experience oneness and unity of all creations.

Objectionable Obsessions

We all of us have our own obsessions, some good and some bad. There is no one on earth who can claim that he or she is a free from any kind of obsessions. There are certain objections which are considered socially objectionable, and when the person goes against the set norms of the society that person is often referred to as a rebel. But it would be wrong to imagine or think that all rebels are against the society, or its set patterns. It is next to impossible to define where we draw the line. There are certain rebels, who with all their good intentions, desire the good of all. The Marxists and the Maoists in West Bengal can be considered as belonging to such a group.

Each one of us has our own obsessions and preoccupations. There are some of us, who are voracious readers, and they love to read night and day; and there are others who like sitting in front of the idiot box round-the-clock; and there are some others who love to loiter around aimlessly. But our obsessions are limited not only to our external behaviors, they are also seen in our thinking patterns. I too have my own obsessions and preoccupations, some known to me and others, and some known only to me, and I try to guard them as a secretly guarded treasure, and they may die with me, without anyone knowing about it.

Some years ago, while visiting one of our schools, I had to stay with our Jesuit community, and I was given a guest room to stay the night. That was the first time I was going to stay in that community. Next to the room I was given to stay, was a room with painting boards, canvass, incomplete paintings; the place looked like a professional studio of an artist, and I was wondering who might be doing the paintings. It came as a surprise that one of the Fathers was doing the paintings in his leisure hours, and he had a lot of time to spend on it, but I had known him for over twenty years, and yet I had not known him as a painter or artist. Later I heard that painting was one of his passions.

But what is dangerous about obsessions is to cultivate a secret set of them, which may separate me from the rest of the society. When obsessions go overboard, then we may be called eccentric or pervert. It is not that they are bad elements, but the problem with them is that they had not known where to draw the line between what is personal interest and what is societal. But each one of us has an obsession, which may complement in a social setting. Most of us are incorrigible in some way or the other: some in their behavior, some in their thinking, and some in relating to others. We love to live in our own worlds, which may give us an identity and sense of being.

I am incapable of overcoming some of the obsessions, which may be in my blood, and some became part of myself during the upbringing, and over which I may not have much control. Most of my obsessions may come in conflict with those of others, and there might be times when I might feel left out in a social setting because of my eccentrics. It is possible I may not be able to overcome them, but it might be necessary for me to be conscious of my grey areas, so that when I am confronted, I am not taken aback. If there is a possibility for bringing my obsessions under control, it would enhance my personality and life in general. But that is a life-long mission, and I may be no before I realize a different ‘me’.

Mother Dear...

Spending an hour of quiet moments at Mother's tomb is not only a rare privilege, but also a precious opportunity. I must be honest to accept that I was not a fan of Mother when she was alive; I had my own reservations about her way of looking at reality, and sometimes I had a divergent view. But over the past one year, my appreciation of Mother's works and her life has changed much of my thinking. Going through 'Come Be My Light : The Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta"', edited with commentary by Brian Kolodiejchuk, had disturbed me a lot, so much so I had to seek the help of my spiritual director.

I was not much fascinated by the name and fame that she acquired due to her work for the poor and the neglected in society; but I was touched by the simplicity and transparency with which she went through the dark nights of her soul. Even in the midst of darkest clouds, she was able to sight the silver line, and that was her great consolation. She was on the verge of losing her faith in God, and was often assailed by meaninglessness in life, and yet she knew that the hand of God would lead her through. That unshakable faith in God of life is what I often look up to.

As I sit a few feet away from the place where her mortal remains had been buried, I would like to imagine a current passing from her mortal remains to my body, instilling in me, a fraction of the spirit she carried wherever she went, fearlessly standing for what she was convinced; she could not be stopped by anyone, neither soldiers, nor guns, neither religious fanaticism nor regionalism. She was above all that divided the society, and her service flowing out of love for her Lord and Master, made her a sui generis. Today I should be asking myself if my service to humanity is in fact flowing out of my love for the Lord to whom I have committed myself for life!

I look up, and see a stream of people entering into the hallowed ground, touching their heads on the marble stones, which have hugged the saint of the gutters, so that no one can do her any harm, and I feel these people know no religion. Mother Teresa, though a professed Catholic, but to the people of other faiths, she gave not Christ, but His love, service, and ever abounding care and concern. Most often in life, she was able to go beyond the narrow categories we have made for our own survival. Today we will be able to find answer to many of the ills haunting our society, if only we are able to go beyond our narrow religious limits.

I try to seek a few quiet moments in her presence, whenever time permits, and what do I seek from God through her intercession? I have been born poor, and had been living like a poor, but there are all the dangers for me to distance myself from the poor I had been growing up. My education, social status (as a religious priest, belonging to a particular congregation), my contacts, all of them have made me a separate class. The poor when they stand close to me, think that I am no more one of them. This is what I dearly seek through the kindness of Blessed Teresa, that I can tell even on the verge of death knocking at my door, that I was born a poor, lived the life of a poor and was dying like one too. What great honor could I then expect?

By What Name?

Names are sacred, because they are associated with the very identity of a person, so much so the name is equivalent to the person. We no longer hold the theory that the names have something very significant to tell about the nature, characteristics of the person concerned. Some (numerologists) go to the extent of finding the link between the name of a person and his/her qualities, characteristics and even foretell the future of the person. But one thing is true that most of us have no choice of choosing our own names! We are given names.

There are very few in our society, who are privileged to choose their names. Most of our names are given by our parents, relatives, and in some cases even elder siblings. Once a name is given, it is hard to change; even as adults if we wish to change our names to something better sounding and reasonably more intelligible, we have no choices, except to make an affidavit in the court of law about the change. But even then we cannot be sure that all the people whom we know would call us by our new name.

Whatever be the name given by our parents, there is bound to be some reason why they chose these particular names. There are cases when for Catholics, illiterate parents would ask the baptising priest to give a name on the spot, and the priests who had a host of their favorite names, would be only too happy to name the children as he liked. Given a choice to change our names, at least half the humanity may prefer to have a different name. If that is the case with our official names, there is more problem in store with our pet names, how we wish to be called! Because as we grow older, the pet names might become just obsolete and new names have to be invented.

We live in a society, where juniors are not expected to call their seniors by their names; there are folk traditions in many parts of the country, where a wife may not be permitted to utter the name of her husband, and so might refer to him only as the father of her son! That is a taboo. But what about addressing a senior person, at least a few years elder! If the persons are advanced in age, then we might address them as uncle, aunty; or too senior, then grandpa, grandma. The ones from college or English medium school may address as Sir or Madam. But still the problem does not end there.

Sometimes friends who are working in the same firm or office, but one a higher post, and another junior post, how would they address each other? Often the senior post is looked upon as a respectable one, while not the junior one, but among friends, should they follow these formalities? Ultimately the pet names are to come from the heart; those who are in love with each other are able to find creative and meaningful names, and either of them would love to be called by the partner with that name. The name, however stupid it may sound to others, is the sweetest of all names, when there is love and admiration!

'Greater Common Good'

The most important principle which is operative in corporate endeavors and production and service sectors is undoubtedly 'profit'. Everything is geared towards accruing greater profit. The people who had invested a lot of money wish to make more money, several times more than what they had invested. The 'business' people do not care for what happens to the rest of humanity, so long their purses are full. But the law of nature prescribes that every attempt to have 'profit' is bound to deprive some deserving person from his/her share of due wealth.

Unfortunately in most of the countries, the political leaders belong to the cream of the society, who have the least experience of the poverty, sweat and blood of the poor, who earn wealth for the nation. Depriving the voiceless masses is seen in almost all the nations, rich or poor. It happens in the South African countries, in the developing Third World countries, and in the developed nations too. The concerns of the poor and the majority most often do not appear in the national agenda; it is only the interests of the moneyed and muscled men and women who control the policies of development.

India had so many instances where the political bigwigs had been pushing so-called developmental projects (supposedly at the greater interests of the masses!), which deprived the poor farmers their ancestral lands, the water, forests, rivers, and the community. The fight for the holy river Narmada by Mehta Patkar and her Narmada Banchao Andolan is just the tip of an iceberg. There are projects which are aimed at displacing thousands of people, without proper rehabilitation and infrastructural facilities. Some years ago I had the privilege of witnessing what the people who would lose Narmada riverbed were going through.

Today the phrase 'greater common good' has become a mockery. One would hear this phrase repeated again and again at all political platforms, at every election campaigns, and it has become a cliche today. But then who cares? The people who sponsor the election campaigns and political meetings and rallies would have their pound of flesh by hook or by crook, and no one can stop them from doing it. The state machinery would in fact, stand by them to make sure that no one lays his/her hands on them. That is the state we have reached in the country.

In order to live a happy life, we do not need to worry about profits! Anyone who has the profit motive in business is bound to guided by greed and selfishness, which would lead him/her to take recourse to any social and moral evil, which may be justified before a court of law. I would like to consider for a while how I respond to the genuine yearnings of the people of the land. Am I able to feel their pain and agony; their tears and blood, and cry for their fundamental human rights. If the state denies these, then where could they take refuge?

Shoes for Sharing

'To get into the shoes of another' is a beautiful little expression in English, but to do that is not as simple as it might sound! While attempting to get into the shoes of others, we have often experienced that the shoes are either too big or too small. Very seldom we come across shoes of another which just fit into my feet! But then, whom can I blame if the shoes are either too big or too small; and is it possible for me to cut my toes to fit into the shoes? These questions may sound silly at the first look, but behind them is a truth that we have to come to terms joyfully, in order to make meaning out of our relationship with others.

Let us get into a detailed analysis of this expression : shoes! One thing is certain: we do not check the shoes size of others, before we begin our relationship journey. It is only after embarking on a life-long journey do we come to know about the size of the shoes, and often we may have to make slight adjustments in order to comfortably share shoes! Two of my sisters often exchange their clothes, since both of them are of same height and weight, and they have no problem in sharing the clothes. So there is no problem with their dressing; but there would be a problem if the clothes do not fit into both. In that case they should be satisfied with only their clothes!

After purchasing a new pair of shoes two years ago, I realized that it was too tight for my feet, and felt quite uneasy wearing it. But when I asked the shop-keeper, he said that once I start wearing, it would become quite loose. Any relationship may be strained at the beginning; it would take quite sometime for the partners to get used to each other. Once they begin to realize the pulse with each other, the shoes begin to give in, and they will not hurt the feet either. Sometimes we may be too harsh on the shoes for not fitting into the feet, and we may find ways to make it give into the feet. Some may try even oil on the edges of the shoes to make them supple, in order to let the feet get in freely.

In order to get into the shoes of another, I am required first of all to leave behind my own pair of shoes; if I am too attached to my shoes, I will never be able to get into the shoes of another. This implies that I should be prepared to leave behind my shoes in order to get into that of another; who knows I may not even like to get back to my own shoes in the future. I may become so accostomed to the shoes of another that I may not like to take back my shoes. I might let another person use it rather. If this were to happen, then I should be happy, because there is newness in me, and a fresh viewpoint might have taken charge of the other.

But what if the other person does not permit me to get into his/her shoes? Can I legitimately force myself to get into another's shoes? Probably I should never force myself to get into another's shoes, but invite the other person to permit me to take a try. It is not that my feet will fit perfectly with every other shoe I come across. After trying, I may say that my feet do not fit into the shoes, and therefore let another person try. With persons who are close to us, we can take the liberty to get into their shoes, sometimes even without their consent, so long my getting into to the shoes of the other is not going to make the person nervous, lose sense of direction in life, and finds it hard to get back to the normal rhythm of life.

Expelled by Expectations

I fail to understand this law of nature : we give greatest pain to the very persons we love the most! I know most of the people would agree with me that this is a fact with most of us. And who on earth wants to hurt the person s/he loves so much, but ultimately we all end up giving so much of pain to the persons we love that there is a danger of the relationship being severed. But today I would like to question myself how this dangerous process take place and how I can protect myself from being succumbed to sucha painful process. It is not altogether difficult to prevent such a thing happening in my life, if only I know how my mind operates!

One of the most important things taken for granted in any loving relationship is EXPECTATIONS! We have a heap of expectations on our partners; and the same thing is true of even friendship or a relationship between a parent to his/her child. Very rarely do we question these expectations, which are for the most part created, moulded and shaped by the society we live in. This is a package we inherit. This package tells me what my role and function in a relationship is, and I am expected to act accordingly. I will see the red bulb blinking the very moment I move away from this prescribed book of law!

If only we have a few moments to take a good look at this package, and question the taken-for-granted notions and ideas, then much of the problems with our relationships would be things of past. Take for instance this simple notion: we have taken it for granted that two persons in love cannot hurt each other! But take a second look at this notion : why should not these two people cannot hurt each other; hurting one another is a natural process we all of us grow with, and we also know how to cope with them. If that is so, why should we take it for granted that the person I love cannot hurt me?

I understand it is not easy to rewrite some of the notions prescribed by the package; if I try to do it, the society around will look at me with suspicion; it might think I am promoting anarchy in the society, and I am a rebel and do not respect the social moorings of the people, etc. But there are ways how this re-writing the social dictates can be carried out, without hurting the social sentiments of the people we live with; we may have to start this process with taking a good look at ourselves. What are my expectations from the other? This mental process is not going to affect the external reality around me, but is sure to make me sensitive to the expectations of the other, and alert me to be careful about responding to the expectations of the other.

To clap, we need both the hands; we cannot clap with a single hand, and that is what could happen if I am able to be conscious of my expectations from the other. If I do not go by the law book of the society with taken-for-granted notions and ideas, but look at persons and their responses with fresh eyes, there is less chance for conflict. If my partner in relationship expects me to make her happy by giving gifts, and if I can do it without going out of my value system, then there is no conflict there and happiness on the hearts of both of us. But slowly my response to the expectations of the other is sure to make gradual change, and there may come a day when both of us may decide to re-write the laws of our relationships, and that day we may truly start a new chapter in our lives, where we could go beyond any expectation!